Fairy Tales in the Digital Age

“Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.” –Loretta Young

Interesting, right? Isn’t that what we all think; what we were conditioned to believe? As a little girl, you have Disney movies thrown at you and are read countless stories about white knights rescuing the damsel in distress. And that’s all well and good. It’s nice to have a fantasy world to slip into every once in a while but it does do a number on our minds. Not to mention the countless romance novels and movies like The Notebook or Titanic (obviously the love story part and not the big-disaster-now-everyone-including-the-white-knight-are-dead part). Basically, if we’re going by what the movies tell us, we have to sit in a coffee shop or go for a walk in the forest and bump into the man of our dreams. Let fate and destiny take care of it while you sit patiently waiting.

First of all—no. That doesn’t work. At least it doesn’t work 97% of the time. When fate does occasionally step in to help people meet unexpectedly it’s nice. It makes for great stories to tell the grandchildren while they surround you and your significant other in your matching rocking chairs on the porch. And we hate these people. Why do they get to meet serendipitously while we sit around like bumps on a log? All right fine, we’re happy for them. It’s sweet and nice but still doesn’t change the fact that we’re burning with jealousy.

Enter the digital age. We live in the modern world where online dating and Tinder are more common than chance meetings in coffee shops or even good ol’ blind dates. There are a major amount of success stories, long-term relationships and even marriages to come out of the online dating scene. That being said, you have to sift through a whole lot of bad people and creepy dudes to find one good one. It’s the proverbial needle in the haystack. Not to mention the fact that a good amount of people are looking to solely hook up and nothing more. It’s enough to make you crazy but the proof is in the pudding as they say.

Now you’re at a crossroads much like the writer of this blog post. It’s hard to break free of the notion of meeting someone naturally. Who wouldn’t want to be somewhere one day and unexpectedly meet someone who you click with? Is there anything more boring than saying “Oh yeah well, we met on Tinder and he messaged first and blah blah, etc.”? Of course, meeting someone online is not a bad thing and it does work for many people. It’s the fixed cookie-cutter view that people have of how they should meet their soulmate and the brainwashing of stories and movies that leave us hesitant to venture into the digital dating scene.

The moral or lesson here? It follows the logic of the old cliché “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” When in the digital age, take what’s offered to you. Joining a dating site, whether it be eHarmony or Tinder, doesn’t automatically mean you’re looking for love. You could be but you could also be doing it on a whim. And of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe you shouldn’t go out hunting for love with Cupid’s bow and arrow with the intention of snagging that perfect guy or girl. But nowhere is it said that you can’t help it along. The dating sites are just the platform, it’s up to you where you land after you dive. Keep in mind that joining a dating site isn’t the end all be all of finding love. If you don’t like it you can also delete your profile. And who knows? Maybe while you’re sifting through the masses with no interest in anyone you see, fate is waiting for you to enter the coffee shop and bump into your soulmate.

Take the plunge, go online, have a little fun or go into it with serious intentions. Whatever the case may be, go for it. It’s better than sitting around waiting for the perfect significant other. For all you know, they could be stuck under a rock or in a tree or something. Grab your phone, sign up and start swiping left or right. You’ll find it can be quite addicting.

Inspiration and Determination

“You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.” –Ralph Marston

I am so shocked by my own personal change in attitude that I feel the need to share it with the world. Granted, I’m a writer and I tend to want to share everything with the world. But I digress. I decided that I would leave all of my anxiety and negativity in 2015 and go forward with positivity and confidence. And it was as easy as saying it. Or at least it was a stepping stone towards permanently adopting those attitudes.

This decision to change my attitude transcends New Year’s resolutions and stems from the fact that I am and always have been majorly anxiety-ridden, paranoid, slightly pessimistic, and a smidge cynical. A lot of people are and yes, it’s normal; everyone suffers from or deals with something. But it doesn’t mean that it isn’t exhausting and debilitating. It messes with your mind and your health and affects you physically as well as mentally. It can get in the way of your everyday life and it makes it hard to do the little things.

I suppose I’ve been this way my entire life but I only became fully aware of it when I was seventeen (almost eighteen) and preparing to enter college. Maybe it was the uncertainty of what college would be like or the starting of a new chapter of my life that triggered it. Or maybe it was time for it to explode; no one knows why it crops up when it does, it just does. To make a long story short, the past seven years have been me dealing with a constant swirl of thoughts, freaking out over things that I shouldn’t have freaked out over and basically making every molehill into Mount Everest.

That’s not to stay that it was bad all the time. There were times when I had a handle on it and I could shove it down and be done with it for a little while. The times that it did get worse was what I called my own “mental breaks.” But even though it wasn’t always turned up to eleven, it was still there. And it was completely strenuous. It prevents you from really enjoying anything because you always have a pit of worry in your stomach and your head is always spinning with thoughts you can’t control.

So I finally decided to stop. I told myself, “That’s it, lady. You can’t do this to yourself anymore. You’re gonna drive yourself crazy and you won’t enjoy anything the way you should.” And I thought about it and I replied to myself, “Yes ma’am!” And that was it. I decided to stop and so I did. Well, I am currently. In a sense it is as easy as saying it but that doesn’t mean it’s going to magically go away. The decision is step one. The determination is what gets you there and keeps you there. I’ve learned that when I say something and really mean it, I get it done. I really like that about myself. Other times when I’ve said something and there was no determination driving it, I failed. That lends itself to losing weight too. It’s something I can feel in myself. This time, I feel it.

If you have the determination to do something, you’re golden. It starts with inspiration then gives way to determination which ultimately gives way to you achieving what you set out to achieve in the first place. I don’t want to sound hokey like all of those inspirational self-help books or cat posters but there’s a grain of truth in those things. The underlying message is that you can do it with some determination and a little hard work.

I’m proud of myself. It’s so freeing to not be in a constant state of worry. Of course, it’s not completely gone. I still do have those moments of panic/anxiety or the random irrational thought but instead of dwelling on it and freaking myself out, I stop it before it can get any further and swat it away like the annoying fly it is. I’m also surprised that I did it so easily. I’m staying positive and telling myself that I can and will keep it like this. Trust me, it’s so nice.

In Lucas Scott fashion I will end this as I began it, with a quote:

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson 

I Resolve Not to Resolve

Every year is the same. As the clock winds down and Christmas passes by, many (if not all) of the people in the world are taken over by the intense desire to make a change. New Year, new me. We’re all guilty of uttering these words whether it be in our mind or in our Instagram posts. I’ll readily admit that I am one of those people. And I’m only half-ashamed of it.

There’s something about a New Year approaching that makes people look deeper into themselves, discover what behaviors, actions or lack thereof that upsets them and ultimately makes them resolve to change themselves for the better. I personally don’t see anything wrong with that. The New Year is just that, new. It’s the world’s way of saying, here you go, here’s a clean slate, do with it what you will. Some people don’t buy into the hype and it’s just as well. You don’t need to wait for January 1^st to roll around to change yourself. You can decide to change on a Tuesday in March or a Friday in August and no one will fault you for that. January 1^st is a deadline, a shove in the right direction. 

It’s been said that resolutions are not the right way to go because by definition a resolution is the solving of a problem. While that does lend itself to changing for the better, it’s not what we should be focusing on. When you make a change you are doing it solely for yourself. Change signifies that your intentions are to never go back to what made you unhappy in the first place. Fixing a problem may only be temporary because that problem can always come back. If you resolve to change then change and that’s it.

Of course, my “resolutions” do fall into the standard category of resolutions that half of the world makes; lose weight, don’t snooze your alarm in the morning, break bad habits, find love and so on and so forth. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s what a lot of people want so why can’t you want it too? The question then becomes, are you going to go through with it? Are you really serious or are you making a resolution because it’s the thing to do? Everyone is gung ho for the first week or maybe even the first month but when February hits it’s all back to the same old habits.

So, I resolve not to resolve. I, like almost everyone, looked towards the New Year with hope and determination to set goals and achieve them. It’s a mental thing; you’re given the opportunity for a fresh start and so you take it. But I plan to back up my words with actions and not let the resolutions fall flat in the first week. Determination is the only tool you need to make change effective. The rest will follow.

I firmly believe that it’s all in how you say it. Instead of “I want to lose weight and be skinny” (which may be true) how about “I want to be healthy and to get there I am going to eat right and exercise.” On my own list I wrote “better myself for myself—mind, body, soul, etc.” That also lends itself to my other “resolution” to think in a more positive manner and to be more confident in what I want to achieve. Also, I promised myself to kick my anxiety in the teeth. I’ve decided I’m done with all the anxiety and worry. I’m determined. But saying it is not enough. Don’t say, just do. And don’t make it sound like it’s a mundane to-do list. If you truly want it, you will get it so there’s no excuse to abandon your resolution or whatever you want to call them.

Use this shiny New Year as a diving board and jump head first into whatever changes you are determined to make. Take the tired standard “New Year new me” and make something of it. Set goals for yourself that you know you can accomplish and do it. Use whatever you want as inspiration. In my own case, a song. I started it in 2015, having a song of the year. It’s the first song I listen to, right after midnight, and it’s supposed to set the tone of the year. Whenever I listen to it, I remind myself of the goals that I set and I keep on going. Yes, I did the whole post a selfie on Instagram with an inspiring quote thing; from my aforementioned song of the year. I’m not embarrassed. It’s all a mental game after all. It’s part of some modern belief that if you post it then it must be true.

In the end it’s all quite easy. If you want it, either do it or go and get it. It really is as simple as that!!