quarterlife
crisis
/ˈkwɔːtəˌlaɪf/
noun
1.
a crisis that may be experienced in one's twenties, involving anxiety
over the direction and quality of one's life
Remember that time I said I was going through a
quarter-life crisis just before/after turning twenty-five? (Which I was, it’s
true). But then shortly after, I thought I was over it. Remember when I was
sorely wrong about that?
Oh boy, was I wrong!!
I felt like I was on the verge of a giant freak-out as
I approached my twenty-fifth birthday last year. I was going through a bout of
high anxiety around that time as well and it felt chaotic in my head. It’s not
so much the age that bothered me as it was the lack of accomplishments in my
life. Which, by definition, is a quarter-life crisis. Learning about it and
realizing that I wasn’t alone helped me. I understood that not everything is
supposed to come together by a certain age and that there is always time to
achieve your goals. Twenty-five is not the end of the world, you’re still young
and have plenty of time. Once I understood that, I thought I was good. Crisis
averted.
Yet here I am, almost twenty-six years old, and fully
in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis. I’ve since calmed most of my career
and love-related anxiety, making peace with the fact that it will happen as
long as I keep trying. (I am trying, in both respects). As much as I do still
have anxiety over the career/love thing, it’s something else that’s sparking
the crisis.
For a good chunk of time now, I’ve had the urge to
have all of these experiences I’ve never had. I look back to when I was a
teenager and I can’t help but notice how boring I was. I don’t want to say I
wasn’t happy or that I didn’t have great memories because I did. I just wish
that I had loosened up a bit and experienced a little more. I’m disregarding
the fact that as a teenager I didn’t care to do anything everyone else was
doing. My friends were the same. We all went to youth group together. Which was
great; that’s where we all met and cemented our friendship. I’m grateful for it
as well. Still, I wish I had done more.
I have the urge to experience the party scene (which I
never did), get drunk (I didn’t care to drink as a teenager and so far, it
seems that I am un-drunkable—not even kidding. I can seemingly hold my liquor
haha). I’ve never dated, never had a boyfriend; I have zero experience in the
man area. (And don’t think that doesn’t bother me). It all sounds really
stupid, I know. But it’s something I never did and now want to do. I want to
let loose, live life, party, stay up all night, go wild, etc. It’s a way I’ve
never been and it’s weird that I want to be now. But I’m willing to embrace it.
I also attribute my recent foray into modern music to
my quarter-life crisis. There was a time when I was vehemently against modern
music. I lived in the past and loved everything about the oldies. Let’s get one
thing straight before I move forward—I will always love old music, first and
foremost. I will always be an old soul. The Beatles will always be my number
one. My roots are very ‘50s rocker/’60s hippie and that will never change. BUT—I’ve embraced modern
music in a way that I haven’t before. I have even broken down and liked Justin
Bieber. That’s right. You heard it here. It’s only like one song, before you
all explode from shock. Still, it’s enough. I’ve gotten into so many songs from
today and have (almost) no problem flipping through the modern radio stations.
Then there’s the One Direction. I’m not even touching
that one right now. Yes, I love One Direction. Yes, it’s unexpected. I knew
them before, liked some of their songs but now? I full-out love them, not going
to lie. They’re awesome. And yes, sexy British boys, blah, blah, etc. I think
they’re perfect and frankly, I can’t believe I waited so long to get into them.
And in my defense, there are many adult 1D fans so all you haters, shut-up.
Anyways, that’s enough of that, the One Direction love is for another time,
another blog. (Louis & Harry are totally the best though….Go listen to “If
I Could Fly”….Their latest album is stellar, everyone should hear it….oh, they
so will be coming back….sorry, I’m done).
I keep getting the feeling that I’m finally my age. I
make jokes about it but I think there’s a bit of truth to it. As much as I love
being different and listening to music from the past, I like the feeling of
being my age and liking people that are actually still around and alive. Let’s
face it, 90% of the people I admire in music, movies, whatever, are dead. Nothing
wrong with that. Like I said, that’s where my heart will always be. But it’s kinda nice to be modern.
I haven’t completely lost myself though. There are
still plenty of modern songs that I strongly detest. ;)
I’ve also changed fashion-wise. Again, it sounds
stupid but it’s really true. For a long time, I was on the
tomboy-ish/rocker/don’t-give-a-fuck side of things. Lately (meaning over the
past few years), I’ve felt myself change. I’ve embraced my feminine side.
(**GASP** ME?!?!) I want to wear dresses now, heels too but my feet won’t allow
it. I’ve gotten into makeup, having my nails done (they need to be done ALL the
time, no joke), etc. I’ve even let go of my hate of the color pink (haha). I’ve
felt myself become more girlie and I’m okay with it. There’s nothing wrong with
being girlie, of course. I’ve boiled it down to this: You can look good and
still kick ass. Like Buffy. Because let’s be honest, if you don’t want to be
like Buffy then you just aren’t cool.
Oooh and let’s not forget about the upcoming fourth
tattoo. That one will totally signify my quarter-life crisis. You’d think so
too if I told you what it’s going to be. ;)
I think the fear that’s fueling this quarter-life
crisis is the fear of having regrets. I don’t want to wake up one day and
realize that I haven’t even lived. I don’t want to regret not having any life
experiences. I’m afraid of becoming one of those people who are unsatisfied in
their middle age because of all the things they didn’t do. So, that’s why I
want to do these things now. I’ve been told that I’m still young (which, I am)
and that I should go out and live. That’s not to say that there’s an age limit
to fun and experience. I just want to start now.
I made a promise to myself that I will get the
experiences I crave. Maybe it won’t be all it’s cracked up to be in my mind and
maybe I’ll completely hate it but at least I’ll be able to say that I’ve done
it.
BRING IT ON!!!!
