My New Direction Is The Direction

Y’all knew this was coming.

Don’t worry. It’s only half-crazy obsessing and half-introspective musings on how I’ve changed, mostly because of the direction.

Strap in, children, the ride is just starting.

I guess I should begin with the tell-all statement of truth: My name is Addie and right now, I’m “obsessed” (I hate that word, as much as I use it) with One Direction.

That’s right, you read that correctly. One Direction. Having trouble believing it? I’ll wait.

*waits patiently*

Did you process it yet? All right, great, moving on—

I’m just as surprised as anyone that I got into One Direction. Not to say that they weren’t good or anything. I just never got heavily into them when they came out. I always knew who they were because honestly, who didn’t? And I liked about 6 of their songs, which I had on my iPod. “What Makes You Beautiful” was always a good jam, especially for singing in the car!! Whatever else I knew about them, I knew from my cousins who were into them at the time. (Cousins who aren't into them anymore, I'll have you know). I knew all of their names and what they looked like. And whenever they were in the news (Louis having a baby, Zayn leaving, etc.) I’d browse the articles because I was curious. But that was the extent of it. I always thought I was too old to like them. When they came out, they were so young-looking!! But like I said, I thought they were good but that was it.

And then. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then.

**PAUSE**

A little sidenote:

During the time that One Direction was around, I was very much into my old music. The Beatles, Buddy Holly, Elvis, so on and so forth. And that type of music will always be the music of my soul, the most important music to me; ever. But that’s what I was into pretty heavily. Then there was Jersey Boys and Newsies Broadway. (All of those=life). And then, back to the oldies with The Beach Boys.
I pretty much ignored and, for lack of better term, shit on modern music. Which, by the way, most deserved it. Maybe. Anyways, what I’m trying to say, is that I was a bit (a lot) uptight and in my own world and vehemently against modern music, for the most part. There were still always songs/bands/singers I liked.

**END SIDENOTE PAUSE**

CUT TO: 2016

I felt myself getting more and more into modern music this year. There was just a good amount of music that I was liking.

Then it began.

I’ll try to keep it brief but there are no promises because this is me after all.
One day, I was bored and randomly on YouTube. I saw something for James Cordon’s Carpool Karaoke and thought, “Hey, I’ve never seen any of those videos, it's supposed to be funny. I should check it out.” So, I searched “Carpool Karaoke” and decided on the One Direction video. I realized I never really heard them speak before and was curious.

Well.

I watched it, I laughed, I enjoyed. I realized that they didn’t look like babies anymore and that their accents were definitely sexy. (Who doesn’t love British/Irish accents?) I was attracted to Harry’s beautiful long hair (best hair I’ve ever seen on a man, by the way) and loved seeing them sing. They were on hiatus by this point, I knew that. I also recognized a song (“Perfect”) from hearing it on the radio and decided I liked it.

After that, I saw two more James Cordon/One Direction videos so I watched them too. (Dodgeball and Tattoo Roulette). Loved then both!! That was the most I had ever seen of One Direction. That was that. Or so I thought.

I got “Perfect” and it became my song of the moment. I loved it and listened to it often. I listened to some of the other One Direction songs I had on my iPod. I kind of fell in love with the “Perfect” music video and watched it a couple of times. One day, I watched music videos with my sister and cousin and we ended up watching “What Makes You Beautiful” and “Perfect” and I realized just how much One Direction had changed. I also made them watch the carpool karaoke and the other two videos of them with James Cordon.

Again, I thought that was it. But I was very wrong.

To keep the rest semi-short: I got two more songs: “Best Song Ever” and “Story of My Life.” And then “No Control.” At some point before all this, I followed them on Instagram. Funnily enough, I think I already was following them on Twitter. Then I thought, maybe I should listen to more of their music. I listened to random songs on YouTube and liked them. One thing lead to another and then BAM, I got their whole discography and listened to it and I was hooked. Then I watched their music videos and a shit-ton of interviews. I got/listened to/liked Zayn’s solo album. Eventually, I watched their movie. Which I own now. I also own four out of their five albums. I, ironically, don’t have the album “Four.” And now I’m all in the fandom, loving them, being all fan-girly. I pre-ordered the magazine featuring Harry. I freaked with the rest of the world about Niall’s solo song (it’s beautiful by the way). And the uncertainty of when they’re coming back makes me nervous. (Notice how I said “when” because they will be back). I also realized that there is a huge adult fan base so I don’t feel weird. Which, I’m not because in retrospect, I’m not that much older than them. They’re all within four years of my age so why feel weird? Anyways, I’m in the fandom good and proper and not going anywhere.

Oh and yeah, I’m getting a tattoo of one of their songs tomorrow. (Don’t judge!! Or, judge and fuck off!!)

Now, before I go further, allow me this moment of pure fan-girling:

Louis is beautiful and my favorite. He is too awesome for words. And Harry, HARRY!! If you don’t love Harry Styles, then you got problems. He’s beautiful in every way. And his voice, holy shit, his voice!! And that long hair, oooooh. Which is gone now, very very sad. But he still looks amazing with his short hair. I just miss the long hair. Legit the best hair I've ever seen on a man. And of course, there's Liam (Li-YUM) and baby Niall. And yes, Zayn. Beautiful, beautiful Zayn. Yes, he left the band and yes that sucks but he's great. And his album is stellar. Much love for Zayn. I love their music videos and I watch them a lot a lot!! "Best Song Ever" and "Perfect" are my favourites. And the London Sessions were so good!! And let me tell you, I've never been so active on Twitter before. And yeah, I listen to them quite a bit. Like a lot. A lot a lot. I annoy people. And I don't care mwahaha!! And holy shit their music is great but their latest album "Made In The AM" is fucking pure gold. "If I Could Fly"? Holy. Shit. That is all. I advise everyone to listen to the album. It's beyond amazing. Love love love looooove One Direction. I'm waiting for the day to see them in concert.

And now, a little bonus rant: People don’t give One Direction nearly enough credit. They are really good. They’re not just some little boy band or fad or whatever else people think they are. People give you shit for liking them. They are extremely talented and they wrote a lot of their own stuff. They are different from any other band I’ve ever seen. They came on the scene and shattered all of the boy band “rules” so to speak. They have the biggest fan base I have ever seen and the only band I’ve seen that rivals The Beatles. And that’s saying something. Especially me saying it. They deserve more credit, pure and simple.

All right, I’m back. Now, onto the introspective/serious-like stuff:

I said before that I was all closed-minded when I was heavily into old music. Which was true. But honestly, One Direction grabbed me and pulled me into the modern world. And I have to say I like it. It's kind of nice liking someone who is so relevant and actually around. (And not, you know, dead). It's different but for once in my life, I feel like I'm in my own generation and I'm okay with it. I don't feel as disconnected. Don't get me wrong, I'll always love the oldies and The Beatles are my #1 always. But it's nice to be modern and feel like my own age.

Because of this, I feel that I've changed. The whole being modern thing, for one. But also, I don't have such a guttural aversion to modern music anymore. It's not the same as old music, that's for sure, but I'm okay with it. I've been in club settings and I find myself okay with the music and bopping along even though I won't be putting some songs on my iPod anytime soon. It's just the fact that I'm more open, more chill, more modern. And I'm okay with it. I don't feel like I'm fighting against it anymore. I've realized that it doesn't matter. While I love being the oldies girl, I'm also okay with being my own age; a millennial. Something I thought was akin to the fucking plague not too long ago. It probably sounds trite, I know, but it's how I feel.

The funny thing--my friends made fun of me for liking old music and now that I listen to more modern music, they say it's weird and not me. I guess you just can't win!! But don't fret, I still have strong opinions on some modern songs haha. And side note: I was into the modern music of the time when I was in high school so calm down, people.

Continuing with the subject of changing--I feel that I've become different. Now, maybe it's the quarter-life crisis talking but I've changed. I've lost all of my up-tightness and as much as I hate to admit it, my slight holier-than-thou attitude. I'm chill and good with whatever. I'm more girly (fucking weird, right?) and I want to go out, live it up, party, have life experiences, do it all. I'm not saying this is good but I don't mind drinking when I go out and I've had a smoke or two or seven haha. Again, not condoning smoking, I'm illustrating a point. So, yeah, it's definitely the quarter-life crisis talking but what can you do? And all of this 1D/modern music makes for a most stellar soundtrack for fun-having!!

This is probably going to sound stupid and sappy and whatever but it's true. I sincerely love being into One Direction. I am so happy that I got into them. I hate that I got into them so late, when they're on hiatus, but still, I love it. I get to witness all of their solo work which I'm excited for. And, I know, I'll get to see them reunite one day.

So there you have it. I'm very up with the One Direction love. And I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Quarter Life Crisis Take#2

quarterlife crisis

/ˈkwɔːtəˌlaɪf/

noun

1.

a crisis that may be experienced in one's twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one's life

Remember that time I said I was going through a quarter-life crisis just before/after turning twenty-five? (Which I was, it’s true). But then shortly after, I thought I was over it. Remember when I was sorely wrong about that?

Oh boy, was I wrong!!

I felt like I was on the verge of a giant freak-out as I approached my twenty-fifth birthday last year. I was going through a bout of high anxiety around that time as well and it felt chaotic in my head. It’s not so much the age that bothered me as it was the lack of accomplishments in my life. Which, by definition, is a quarter-life crisis. Learning about it and realizing that I wasn’t alone helped me. I understood that not everything is supposed to come together by a certain age and that there is always time to achieve your goals. Twenty-five is not the end of the world, you’re still young and have plenty of time. Once I understood that, I thought I was good. Crisis averted.

Yet here I am, almost twenty-six years old, and fully in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis. I’ve since calmed most of my career and love-related anxiety, making peace with the fact that it will happen as long as I keep trying. (I am trying, in both respects). As much as I do still have anxiety over the career/love thing, it’s something else that’s sparking the crisis.

For a good chunk of time now, I’ve had the urge to have all of these experiences I’ve never had. I look back to when I was a teenager and I can’t help but notice how boring I was. I don’t want to say I wasn’t happy or that I didn’t have great memories because I did. I just wish that I had loosened up a bit and experienced a little more. I’m disregarding the fact that as a teenager I didn’t care to do anything everyone else was doing. My friends were the same. We all went to youth group together. Which was great; that’s where we all met and cemented our friendship. I’m grateful for it as well. Still, I wish I had done more.

I have the urge to experience the party scene (which I never did), get drunk (I didn’t care to drink as a teenager and so far, it seems that I am un-drunkable—not even kidding. I can seemingly hold my liquor haha). I’ve never dated, never had a boyfriend; I have zero experience in the man area. (And don’t think that doesn’t bother me). It all sounds really stupid, I know. But it’s something I never did and now want to do. I want to let loose, live life, party, stay up all night, go wild, etc. It’s a way I’ve never been and it’s weird that I want to be now. But I’m willing to embrace it.

I also attribute my recent foray into modern music to my quarter-life crisis. There was a time when I was vehemently against modern music. I lived in the past and loved everything about the oldies. Let’s get one thing straight before I move forward—I will always love old music, first and foremost. I will always be an old soul. The Beatles will always be my number one. My roots are very ‘50s rocker/’60s hippie and that will never change. BUT—I’ve embraced modern music in a way that I haven’t before. I have even broken down and liked Justin Bieber. That’s right. You heard it here. It’s only like one song, before you all explode from shock. Still, it’s enough. I’ve gotten into so many songs from today and have (almost) no problem flipping through the modern radio stations.

Then there’s the One Direction. I’m not even touching that one right now. Yes, I love One Direction. Yes, it’s unexpected. I knew them before, liked some of their songs but now? I full-out love them, not going to lie. They’re awesome. And yes, sexy British boys, blah, blah, etc. I think they’re perfect and frankly, I can’t believe I waited so long to get into them. And in my defense, there are many adult 1D fans so all you haters, shut-up. Anyways, that’s enough of that, the One Direction love is for another time, another blog. (Louis & Harry are totally the best though….Go listen to “If I Could Fly”….Their latest album is stellar, everyone should hear it….oh, they so will be coming back….sorry, I’m done).

I keep getting the feeling that I’m finally my age. I make jokes about it but I think there’s a bit of truth to it. As much as I love being different and listening to music from the past, I like the feeling of being my age and liking people that are actually still around and alive. Let’s face it, 90% of the people I admire in music, movies, whatever, are dead. Nothing wrong with that. Like I said, that’s where my heart will always be. But it’s kinda nice to be modern.

I haven’t completely lost myself though. There are still plenty of modern songs that I strongly detest. ;)

I’ve also changed fashion-wise. Again, it sounds stupid but it’s really true. For a long time, I was on the tomboy-ish/rocker/don’t-give-a-fuck side of things. Lately (meaning over the past few years), I’ve felt myself change. I’ve embraced my feminine side. (**GASP** ME?!?!) I want to wear dresses now, heels too but my feet won’t allow it. I’ve gotten into makeup, having my nails done (they need to be done ALL the time, no joke), etc. I’ve even let go of my hate of the color pink (haha). I’ve felt myself become more girlie and I’m okay with it. There’s nothing wrong with being girlie, of course. I’ve boiled it down to this: You can look good and still kick ass. Like Buffy. Because let’s be honest, if you don’t want to be like Buffy then you just aren’t cool.

Oooh and let’s not forget about the upcoming fourth tattoo. That one will totally signify my quarter-life crisis. You’d think so too if I told you what it’s going to be. ;)

I think the fear that’s fueling this quarter-life crisis is the fear of having regrets. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I haven’t even lived. I don’t want to regret not having any life experiences. I’m afraid of becoming one of those people who are unsatisfied in their middle age because of all the things they didn’t do. So, that’s why I want to do these things now. I’ve been told that I’m still young (which, I am) and that I should go out and live. That’s not to say that there’s an age limit to fun and experience. I just want to start now.

I made a promise to myself that I will get the experiences I crave. Maybe it won’t be all it’s cracked up to be in my mind and maybe I’ll completely hate it but at least I’ll be able to say that I’ve done it.

BRING IT ON!!!!

Stand By Me: It's Infinite Wisdom and What it Taught Me About Friendship

Stand By Me is an adventure-filled coming of age movie that is arguably one of the best things to come out of the eighties. What’s better than four boys with huge potty mouths who leave home in search of a dead body? Not to mention that it stars River Phoenix who had the kind of face people wrote songs about. And of course, it was written by Stephen King. Is there anything better? No, there is not and don’t you dare bring Star Wars or something else into this.

Besides the adventure and the countless coming of age lessons, Stand By Me has one perfect golden nugget of information that is destined to almost always come true. At the end of the movie, adult Gordie, now a big time writer, sits at his computer writing the story you just watched. He ends with the most poignant and prophetical statement ever:

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I did when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

Funnily enough, I refused to agree with it. I thought I was going to be one of those lucky few who stayed friends with the same people all her life and the birds would sing and everyone would live happily ever after. Since this isn’t Cinderella and since no friendship in the world is like what you see on television, that didn’t happen.

The person I called my best friend since I was twelve (ironically) isn’t my best friend anymore. This came straight from the horse’s mouth so to speak. It’s no secret that she and I have drifted apart over the years. I think I refused to believe it at first or maybe I was too comfortable in my current situation to do anything about it. She would always say how she felt we were drifting apart to which I would reply: “Of course we’re not! This is how friendships are when you get older.” Then recently the inevitable happened and she informed me that yes, she still saw as friends but just not “best friends” anymore. In short, she found other friends that suited her better than my other good friends and I did. And that’s totally fine! No one says that drifting apart is a bad thing. Sometimes it happens.

The point is this: when you’re twelve years old you see the world differently. It’s not so much of a stretch to say that the friends you make at that age see the world the same way. And so you have a lot in common. You laugh together, do dumb things together and build a lot of memories along the way. But then one day, it all changes and you realize that you both see the world and approach life differently. And again, that is totally okay. Its better that you move on from each other instead of holding on to something that simply isn’t there anymore.

In Stand By Me, Chris and Gordie remain friends. They grow up and enter the scary world of adulthood together. (Yes, after that they didn’t talk much but that isn’t the point). The two of them drifted away from Teddy and Vern until they became distant memories of the past. It really does suck when it’s spelled out as blatantly as that but it rings true to real life. In my own situation, my best friends and I are parting ways with the girl I once called my best friend. It does hurt and it feels like any other breakup but ultimately it’s for the best. The memories will last even if there aren’t any new ones being made. And I know that we’ll all be fine because this is how it was supposed to be. As long as you have the few people that truly matter you’ll never be dissatisfied.

So, does anyone still have the same friends that they did when they were twelve? Maybe. And that’s great for you. You should both win a best friends award and celebrate with a movie marathon and some pizza. But if you don’t? It’s nothing to stress over. Life happens and sometimes you just have to let it. My other three friends with whom I'm close were also friends I met when I was twelve/thirteen and our bond has only strengthened. It's a toss up. 

Thank you Stand By Me and Stephen King for showing me the way it would be even if I didn’t believe it for a long time.

F is for Feminist

Feminism: The theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.

I’ve always considered myself a feminist. I’ve always believed that women should be treated equally to men. I’ve always felt an intense anger when I would see or read anything about women being treated like lesser beings. Watching anything where the man was in charge and had a sense of ownership over a woman was enough to make my head spin. (It still is). If I lived in those times (which I often say I’d want to but only because the music was better) I think heads would roll. I’m sure I’d butt heads with any man who’d try any of that controlling bullshit. But I digress. Despite all of that, I don’t think I ever fully understood the meaning of feminism. It goes beyond the “I can do anything a man can do” mentality. In fact, that doesn’t even scratch the surface.

But first, a little background mixed in with opinions that will probably go off in tangents:

I was the type of kid who played games like secret agent or spies or something of the like. I distinctly remember running around in a black tank top and black pants, because that’s totally the official uniform of spy-dom, toting my binoculars and other secret agent/spy paraphernalia and fighting evil bad guys. I was raised in the generation of Power Rangers and I had the innate need to kick ass. Just ask all of my guy cousins how many times I “threatened” to beat them up. Imagine a skinny, made-of-nothing girl (oh how things have changed) trying to beat up a full-grown man. Funny and a little embarrassing, yes. But that was me.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. Except the fact that when I related myself to the characters I watched, I was always the guy. Maybe I can attribute that to my half-tomboy status but it was due mostly to the fact that the guy characters were better in a sense. They had more screen time, they were the main characters, they were actually given the chance to do something; whatever the case was, I was always drawn to the male characters. I wanted to be Tommy, the White Ranger, from Power Rangers. Though I will say that the female characters were equally kick-ass, I always gravitated towards Tommy. (He was also really hot). I didn’t want to be a man, I wanted to be who I thought was the cooler character. Even in The A-Team. I loved that show and still do. But it was about a group of four men. They had a few women but they weren’t in the thick of things like the members of The A-Team were. And if they ever were, they were portrayed as scared and in need of the men’s help. So, I was Face. Who, again, was coincidentally really hot.

That was my childhood. In my mind I was always the girl version of whoever I was emulating. I was never a guy. Why? Put simply—there hardly any girl characters who did that level of ass-kicking. Again, I realize there were girl power rangers but I wanted to be Tommy. I think maybe because he was the leader. I didn’t just want to kick ass; I wanted to lead too. That’s not to say there weren’t any awesome woman characters out there. Personally, I mostly gravitated towards the male ones. Looking back as an adult, I realize that there were many shows and movies with strong female characters. But not enough. It’s never enough.

When I was a teenager it all began to change. Enter Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, Charlie’s Angels the Movie, etc. There are literally so many examples and they only keep growing as time goes on. Right now we have Supergirl, Agent Carter, Jessica Jones and also shows like Madam Secretary, The Blacklist, etc. Back then that was all I needed. I started watching more shows that featured women who kicked ass and in many different ways. I came to realize that kicking ass doesn’t just mean being physically strong and beating up bad guys (even though that definitely rocks). I realized that the strong women I was watching were people who yes, kicked ass, but they also had jobs, families, relationships, etc. They were modern women who were leaders and juggled a shit-ton of responsibilities. They weren’t in the background or overshadowed by men. It made me realize how I always was and how I always wanted to be.

I, like a lot of women I’ve read about, struggled with wanting to look good and feminine and also be taken seriously. It seems like it’s a fine line sometimes and it shouldn’t be. How many countless movies, TV shows, books portray a woman who’s all into her looks as ditzy? Surely a woman who spends time on her makeup and nails is nothing more than a vapid, brainless waste of space. Well, I call BULLSHIT. I’ve deduced it quite simply for myself: women can look good and kick ass. Oh and hey guess what? We’re smart. I know that this applies more so to women from a long time ago and that we’ve come a long way but the idea isn’t exactly obsolete either. There’s always going to be that lingering notion, even if it’s just a whisper. Buffy taught me that you can look amazing in a mini-skirt and boots and be smart and kick some ass. She once defeated a demon while wearing a (hideous) bridesmaid dress. I mean, come on!! Embrace your femininity, let it shine but never let anyone take you for granted because of it. You see that stereotype or double standard? Smash it with a sledgehammer. And if you break a nail, you totally have the right to be upset because ain’t nobody likes a chipped manicure.

In respect to the looks vs. brains problem, I always think of Marilyn Monroe. She was perhaps one of the most beautiful and sexiest women ever to have lived. And it’s a shame that she was perceived only as such. Everyone saw her as some dumb blonde, especially the men in her life who seemed to only want to control her or have a piece of her. But she was smart, more than anyone ever thought and more than anyone ever knew. It’s a shame that she was thought of only a fantasy woman who was only good for one thing. But she knew what she was doing and she played the game. There was also Lucille Ball who was a pioneer and a role model. Moving away from Hollywood and further back in time, there were the women who started the feminist movement in the ‘60s, the women who were suffragists and obtained the vote. How about Rosa Parks, Amelia Earhart, Nellie Bly, etc. and so forth because the list of important women could go on forever. And of course, there are the countless women of today who have made and continue to make a difference. Emma Watson, Malala Yousafzai; just to name a few. And the countless women in between.

Flash back to now. Despite the representation of women in the media and the stereotype of beauty not equaling brains being important, there are many other pressing issues that encapsulates feminism. Feminism is about equality, plain and simple. Women should be paid equally, treated equally (in the workplace, in politics; everywhere), allowed to make decisions about their body without input from anyone else. And then of course there is the looming dark cloud fear of rape and assault. It’s a sad fact of life that women need to always be careful because some idiot could come along and harass, assault or even worse, rape them. And that’s disgusting. Life should not be like that, for anyone but we as women are always told to be careful because we have to be. And it’s not fair. And what’s more—women should be able to dress any way they’d like to without persecution, without name-calling and without blame. And it (almost) goes without saying that we hate the sexist bullshit that we sometimes (always) hear.

I should say that despite the ongoing problems we still face, I am grateful to live in the country I do. There are places in the world where women have next to no rights at all. They may as well be still living in the middle ages, under enough oppression to drive anyone crazy. What’s even worse is that more often than not, they don’t have a voice and are left no choice but live in such archaic ways.  

Like I said, I always referred to myself as a feminist. I believe in equal rights for all, in every capacity. But I feel that I wasn’t as informed as I should be. I was a lazy feminist, for lack of better term. That’s not to say that being a feminist means you have to be constantly protesting or picketing or climbing on the soapbox and spewing your opinions every chance you get. I mean, that’s great if that’s what you do. Fight the good fight and all that. As long as you believe in equality of the sexes and do your part to get it, you are a feminist. If you say you are then I believe that you are. Of course, it pays to be active. I decided that I needed to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. I started doing my research and I found a few books to read on feminism. I want to be properly informed. I want to be more of an active feminist. I’ve been reading a fair amount of articles lately and it has opened my eyes. I want to live up to my belief in feminism. I want to do more than only read articles and inform people that I’m a feminist. I do vote and while I’m not overly political, I do make sure to vote every time there is a need to. We as women didn’t always have the vote and now that we do, it’s important to use it. That’s one way to make a difference.

I was struck by the urge to inform myself better by two things. One of them is Nellie Bly. She was a reporter in New York in the late 1800s and she was revolutionary in the world of reporting. I think she paved the way for the women reporters who came after her. She demanded to be heard and didn’t stop until she was taken seriously. She went undercover in an insane asylum in order to write an exposé. Her article blew the lid off of the place and she was responsible for the changes that were made to the asylum. I suggest everyone read her article, 10 Days in a Madhouse. It is truly amazing. It’s worth mentioning that there’s a movie about it that will soon be out and that I can’t wait to see. Nellie also traveled around the world in seventy-two days and wrote an article about it. In short, she was a remarkable and inspiring woman. The second thing that inspired me was seeing all of these articles and videos on Facebook and other social media outlets. It forces you to realize what’s really going on in the world around you. So, I then made the decision to get informed.

One of the most important things I’ve learned so far is that there are many different kinds of feminist. It’s not as black and white and some might think. The common misconception is that feminist are angry women who don’t shave at all and who protest and fight. Some of them are. That’s perfectly fine. There are some feminists that are all about their career and some who are happy being stay-at-home moms and caring for their home and family. Some are Pro-Life and some Pro-Choice. You can be whoever you want, who you truly are, and still be a feminist, as long as you believe in all equality. And that means for everyone. It doesn’t matter who you are; what your skin color is, your religion, your ethnicity, your sexual orientation/gender identity, etc. Everyone deserves equal rights and that’s what feminism is. And that’s something I whole-heartedly believe in.

Also, a side-note: Feminists don’t hate men. I mean, really? That’s nothing but senseless logic. Why the hell would we hate men? We obviously need men. If feminists hated men and wanted to overthrow them and be the better gender, as some people think, then we would be accomplishing nothing. It’s so simple it hurts. Equality. Done, finished, the end.

So, I will keep informing myself and I will try and spread the feminist word any way I can. I will also take pride in being a woman and never forget the sacrifices that other women before me have made. I will be a feminist, in my own way. And if need be, I’ll kick some ass. Just don’t make me chip my nails or ruin my eye-liner because then heads will roll.

The Vision Board Does All

A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. Literally, a vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. (Source: http://makeavisionboard.com/what-is-a-vision-board/)

I’ve always wanted to make a vision board. I’m someone who looks for inspiration in everything and when given the opportunity to use something that does, I jump on it. But other things usually get in the way and time passes and you never get around to doing what you said you would or what you would like to do.

Last week I finally made a vision board. And I love it. It’s perfect for inspiration. It’s perfect in that it’s something that you can put all you want to do or achieve and actually have a chance to obtain it. I think it’s a way to psych yourself up. It’s physical and visual and because of that, it makes your dreams all the more real and attainable. If you see it, you will be inspired to do it. And also in putting forth positive, good vibrations into the universe, you are bound to get the same in return. I believe that. It’s a combination of all that and wanting it bad enough. Whether it be fate, faith or luck, it’ll happen.

I started simply with what I want to do or achieve: Love, Career, Fitness, and Travel. I added a list of inspirational/power words, images of women I admire and some of the things I wish for. I’m proud of it because it looks perfect and it’s exactly how I imagined it in my head. Everything is perfectly placed and it does inspire me. Not only that but it’s also a reminder. It reminds me of what I want and that I can get it if I just try.

Like I said, I filled the board with four important focal points of what I want plus a few others. In more detail:

Love: I put a few stock images of a couple getting married, wedding rings with a marriage certificate, and a family. Then for the personal touch, because I think this is important, I put images of fictional couples I admire: Lucas and Peyton from One Tree Hill, Nathan and Haley from One Tree Hill, Jack and Rose from Titanic, Noah and Allie from The Notebook, and Jack and Katherine from the Newsies Broadway production.

Career: This is made of stock images. I have an image of a screenplay, a slate with a film reel and a camera, one of an old-timey typewriter, a pile of books, a notebook with a pen on top of it, the cover of the an article written in the late 1800s by a woman named Nellie Bly. It’s called Ten Days in a Madhouse and it should be read by everyone. I also have a pile of money, and of course, an Academy Award. Dream big, right? Three of my words there are “write” because I need to and Coppola and Scorsese because they rock and I’d love to be like them. (I also just realized I spelled Scorsese wrong on my board and have to fix it!!)

Fitness: A big issue for me. I’ve been struggling with the whole weight loss thing. I did really well for a while and then I fell off the wagon again. But I’m extra determined. And I truly believe this vision board is helping me, especially for this. I have a few inspirational work-out stock images as well as a few quotes and a bottle of water because I need to drink more water.

Travel: I’m always going on and on about where I want to travel. (CALIFORNIA!!!!) I have a big list of all of the places I need to see. The important ones are on this board: New York City, California, England and Italy. I also have images of a plane and a ship. I must travel and I need to see California and England. It says “live” and “happiness.”

The other section of inspiration for me is the one with pictures of women who I admire, both characters and real women. I have Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer because she will always be my favorite. Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill because she is tough and strong but also caring and fragile at times. Phoebe Halliwell from Charmed is another favorite of mine. She kicks ass and is independent but again she also has that fragility and gentleness. Katherine Plummer is a character from the Newsies Broadway show. She really appealed to me because she’s a writer and she’s independent and unafraid. She stands up for what she believes in. I want to be like that. I like to think I am. And then I have Jennifer Lawrence, Evan Rachel Wood, Drew Barrymore, Julianne Hough, Marilyn Monroe and Lucy Hale. I admire them all and think they are beautiful and smart and kick ass in all they do. I also have the Supergirl logo because it is wicked to have a female superhero. Some words there are “woman”, “inspiration”, “strong”, “confidence” and “unbroken”. I think that being a woman is important. I know it sounds weird. But for a long time woman weren’t treated the way they should be. They still aren’t being treated equally, more so in other countries. Men were always handed everything from the beginning of time and in that I mean they always had rights. Women had to work for it and boy did we ever. I appreciate that, I respect that and I intend to live up to it.

Then I have the section of some of the things I dream of having: a red Hyundai Sante Fe car, a red 1958 Thunderbird, an apartment in New York City and a beach house in California. The words there are “imagine”, “stay gold”, “dream”, “11:11”, and “wish”.

The last words I have that round up the board are “music=life”, “laugh”, “one shot.” In the middle of the board are the words “Don’t give up, don’t give in” which I credit to Louis Zamperini. He has become an influence and an inspiration. Everyone should read and watch Unbroken.

So there it is, my vision board. Everyone’s will be different, of course, but the idea behind it never changes. You should make one and find the inspiration within. Go out and get what you want. As much as I love to entertain the idea of past lives—I was a feminist activist, a flapper, a hippie—I believe you only get one shot. Even if there are past lives you only get one shot as you. So don’t screw it up!!

I taped my vision board to the side of me TV shelf so that I pass by it every time I leave my room in the morning. I look it over for a few seconds and let it sink in before I go out to face the day. I like to think it fills me with all I need to tackle anything that comes my way and sends me off on the path to achieving what I truly want. I have a vision after all….

….

This is the link to the article I mentioned. I think it’s worth a read. Nellie Bly was a great reporter who did anything to get her story, even if it meant putting herself in harm’s way. She was definitely ahead of her time; a true pioneer. It’s long but well-worth the read.

http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/bly/madhouse/madhouse.html

I Turned 25 and the World Didn't Explode

A couple of weeks ago I turned twenty-five. 

*cue Beethoven’s 5th Symphony*

*cue the terrifying screaming*

*cue the music from Psycho*

*cue the music from Jaws*

Okay, I’m done. Despite cueing all of the crazy horror-movie sound effects, turning twenty-five was not the bad it’s said up to be. Who says it’s bad, you ask? Generally the people who are approaching the age. And, it’s a documented “crisis.” It’s called a quarter-life crisis, much like the ever-famous mid-life crisis, and that’s exactly what it is. A bona-fide, motherfucking crisis.

You basically approach the milestone with great trepidation and the feeling that you are about to go completely insane. Do you actually? Maybe. That part is up to you. Nine times out of ten it’s you doing it to yourself and I can attest to that. In the few weeks leading up to my birthday I went through this mental break where I was sure I was going bat-shit crazy. I’m used to having spikes of anxiety here and there—it’s been my way of life for what seems like forever—but this was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Yet it has since disappeared just as quickly as it materialized.  

The quarter life crisis is born from the inane theory that we have to have our entire lives together by the time we turn twenty-five. Sometimes it can be thirty; the whole crisis itself is said to affect people from 25-35. When you reach that age and realize that you don't have everything you've ever wanted or your life didn't turn out exactly how you planned, you tend to freak out. 

It’s hard to shake the notion that we need to have our lives together by a certain point. We think that if we don’t we’ve failed and that’s it. Now you’re branded a failure. The only thing that hinders you from moving on and achieving what you want is the dejected feeling that comes with the quarter life crisis. You are doing this to yourself and you are the only one that can break free from it. Of course, it sounds one thousand percent easier to do than doing it actually is but it’s the only solution.

You think to yourself: “I’m turning twenty-five and I have no job in the field I want, no boyfriend or fiancé or husband, I’m not financially stable,” and so on and so forth. The list of achievements you think you should have goes on and on and varies from person to person. The funny thing—there are people who have careers, significant others and are financially stable who go through the crisis too. It’s about not achieving what society thinks you should, what you think you should have achieved, and sometimes it’s a mix of both. Whatever the reason, the feelings of craziness and utter despair are the same and it’s something you need to move past.

There’s also this whole becoming aware of your own mortality thing which is a separate issue and it sucks and it’s something you shouldn’t worry about either. (Why do I know? Because it was on my long list of things to freak out over). 

Some people do have their lives together by twenty-five and that is great for them. They don't have to be bothered by this and can wait for the mid-life crisis like everyone else. But for the people who aren't where they want to be or where they planned to be--its okay. You are okay. There is no time limit in which you have to accomplish certain things. In this world, it takes time. Everything that is meant to happen will happen in its own time. As long as you have faith and believe that you'll never go wrong. 

I turned twenty-five a few weeks ago and I realized that I'm fine. Nothing has changed. I'm still the same person I was at twenty-four. I know that it's okay that I'm still looking for my career job and that love will find you when it's meant to. I know, truly, that everything will work out as long as I work hard to get there and stop setting time limits for myself. 

Besides, I have five years to accomplish what I want by thirty.