Quarter Life Crisis Take#2

quarterlife crisis

/ˈkwɔːtəˌlaɪf/

noun

1.

a crisis that may be experienced in one's twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one's life

Remember that time I said I was going through a quarter-life crisis just before/after turning twenty-five? (Which I was, it’s true). But then shortly after, I thought I was over it. Remember when I was sorely wrong about that?

Oh boy, was I wrong!!

I felt like I was on the verge of a giant freak-out as I approached my twenty-fifth birthday last year. I was going through a bout of high anxiety around that time as well and it felt chaotic in my head. It’s not so much the age that bothered me as it was the lack of accomplishments in my life. Which, by definition, is a quarter-life crisis. Learning about it and realizing that I wasn’t alone helped me. I understood that not everything is supposed to come together by a certain age and that there is always time to achieve your goals. Twenty-five is not the end of the world, you’re still young and have plenty of time. Once I understood that, I thought I was good. Crisis averted.

Yet here I am, almost twenty-six years old, and fully in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis. I’ve since calmed most of my career and love-related anxiety, making peace with the fact that it will happen as long as I keep trying. (I am trying, in both respects). As much as I do still have anxiety over the career/love thing, it’s something else that’s sparking the crisis.

For a good chunk of time now, I’ve had the urge to have all of these experiences I’ve never had. I look back to when I was a teenager and I can’t help but notice how boring I was. I don’t want to say I wasn’t happy or that I didn’t have great memories because I did. I just wish that I had loosened up a bit and experienced a little more. I’m disregarding the fact that as a teenager I didn’t care to do anything everyone else was doing. My friends were the same. We all went to youth group together. Which was great; that’s where we all met and cemented our friendship. I’m grateful for it as well. Still, I wish I had done more.

I have the urge to experience the party scene (which I never did), get drunk (I didn’t care to drink as a teenager and so far, it seems that I am un-drunkable—not even kidding. I can seemingly hold my liquor haha). I’ve never dated, never had a boyfriend; I have zero experience in the man area. (And don’t think that doesn’t bother me). It all sounds really stupid, I know. But it’s something I never did and now want to do. I want to let loose, live life, party, stay up all night, go wild, etc. It’s a way I’ve never been and it’s weird that I want to be now. But I’m willing to embrace it.

I also attribute my recent foray into modern music to my quarter-life crisis. There was a time when I was vehemently against modern music. I lived in the past and loved everything about the oldies. Let’s get one thing straight before I move forward—I will always love old music, first and foremost. I will always be an old soul. The Beatles will always be my number one. My roots are very ‘50s rocker/’60s hippie and that will never change. BUT—I’ve embraced modern music in a way that I haven’t before. I have even broken down and liked Justin Bieber. That’s right. You heard it here. It’s only like one song, before you all explode from shock. Still, it’s enough. I’ve gotten into so many songs from today and have (almost) no problem flipping through the modern radio stations.

Then there’s the One Direction. I’m not even touching that one right now. Yes, I love One Direction. Yes, it’s unexpected. I knew them before, liked some of their songs but now? I full-out love them, not going to lie. They’re awesome. And yes, sexy British boys, blah, blah, etc. I think they’re perfect and frankly, I can’t believe I waited so long to get into them. And in my defense, there are many adult 1D fans so all you haters, shut-up. Anyways, that’s enough of that, the One Direction love is for another time, another blog. (Louis & Harry are totally the best though….Go listen to “If I Could Fly”….Their latest album is stellar, everyone should hear it….oh, they so will be coming back….sorry, I’m done).

I keep getting the feeling that I’m finally my age. I make jokes about it but I think there’s a bit of truth to it. As much as I love being different and listening to music from the past, I like the feeling of being my age and liking people that are actually still around and alive. Let’s face it, 90% of the people I admire in music, movies, whatever, are dead. Nothing wrong with that. Like I said, that’s where my heart will always be. But it’s kinda nice to be modern.

I haven’t completely lost myself though. There are still plenty of modern songs that I strongly detest. ;)

I’ve also changed fashion-wise. Again, it sounds stupid but it’s really true. For a long time, I was on the tomboy-ish/rocker/don’t-give-a-fuck side of things. Lately (meaning over the past few years), I’ve felt myself change. I’ve embraced my feminine side. (**GASP** ME?!?!) I want to wear dresses now, heels too but my feet won’t allow it. I’ve gotten into makeup, having my nails done (they need to be done ALL the time, no joke), etc. I’ve even let go of my hate of the color pink (haha). I’ve felt myself become more girlie and I’m okay with it. There’s nothing wrong with being girlie, of course. I’ve boiled it down to this: You can look good and still kick ass. Like Buffy. Because let’s be honest, if you don’t want to be like Buffy then you just aren’t cool.

Oooh and let’s not forget about the upcoming fourth tattoo. That one will totally signify my quarter-life crisis. You’d think so too if I told you what it’s going to be. ;)

I think the fear that’s fueling this quarter-life crisis is the fear of having regrets. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I haven’t even lived. I don’t want to regret not having any life experiences. I’m afraid of becoming one of those people who are unsatisfied in their middle age because of all the things they didn’t do. So, that’s why I want to do these things now. I’ve been told that I’m still young (which, I am) and that I should go out and live. That’s not to say that there’s an age limit to fun and experience. I just want to start now.

I made a promise to myself that I will get the experiences I crave. Maybe it won’t be all it’s cracked up to be in my mind and maybe I’ll completely hate it but at least I’ll be able to say that I’ve done it.

BRING IT ON!!!!

I Turned 25 and the World Didn't Explode

A couple of weeks ago I turned twenty-five. 

*cue Beethoven’s 5th Symphony*

*cue the terrifying screaming*

*cue the music from Psycho*

*cue the music from Jaws*

Okay, I’m done. Despite cueing all of the crazy horror-movie sound effects, turning twenty-five was not the bad it’s said up to be. Who says it’s bad, you ask? Generally the people who are approaching the age. And, it’s a documented “crisis.” It’s called a quarter-life crisis, much like the ever-famous mid-life crisis, and that’s exactly what it is. A bona-fide, motherfucking crisis.

You basically approach the milestone with great trepidation and the feeling that you are about to go completely insane. Do you actually? Maybe. That part is up to you. Nine times out of ten it’s you doing it to yourself and I can attest to that. In the few weeks leading up to my birthday I went through this mental break where I was sure I was going bat-shit crazy. I’m used to having spikes of anxiety here and there—it’s been my way of life for what seems like forever—but this was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Yet it has since disappeared just as quickly as it materialized.  

The quarter life crisis is born from the inane theory that we have to have our entire lives together by the time we turn twenty-five. Sometimes it can be thirty; the whole crisis itself is said to affect people from 25-35. When you reach that age and realize that you don't have everything you've ever wanted or your life didn't turn out exactly how you planned, you tend to freak out. 

It’s hard to shake the notion that we need to have our lives together by a certain point. We think that if we don’t we’ve failed and that’s it. Now you’re branded a failure. The only thing that hinders you from moving on and achieving what you want is the dejected feeling that comes with the quarter life crisis. You are doing this to yourself and you are the only one that can break free from it. Of course, it sounds one thousand percent easier to do than doing it actually is but it’s the only solution.

You think to yourself: “I’m turning twenty-five and I have no job in the field I want, no boyfriend or fiancé or husband, I’m not financially stable,” and so on and so forth. The list of achievements you think you should have goes on and on and varies from person to person. The funny thing—there are people who have careers, significant others and are financially stable who go through the crisis too. It’s about not achieving what society thinks you should, what you think you should have achieved, and sometimes it’s a mix of both. Whatever the reason, the feelings of craziness and utter despair are the same and it’s something you need to move past.

There’s also this whole becoming aware of your own mortality thing which is a separate issue and it sucks and it’s something you shouldn’t worry about either. (Why do I know? Because it was on my long list of things to freak out over). 

Some people do have their lives together by twenty-five and that is great for them. They don't have to be bothered by this and can wait for the mid-life crisis like everyone else. But for the people who aren't where they want to be or where they planned to be--its okay. You are okay. There is no time limit in which you have to accomplish certain things. In this world, it takes time. Everything that is meant to happen will happen in its own time. As long as you have faith and believe that you'll never go wrong. 

I turned twenty-five a few weeks ago and I realized that I'm fine. Nothing has changed. I'm still the same person I was at twenty-four. I know that it's okay that I'm still looking for my career job and that love will find you when it's meant to. I know, truly, that everything will work out as long as I work hard to get there and stop setting time limits for myself. 

Besides, I have five years to accomplish what I want by thirty.