My New Direction Is The Direction

Y’all knew this was coming.

Don’t worry. It’s only half-crazy obsessing and half-introspective musings on how I’ve changed, mostly because of the direction.

Strap in, children, the ride is just starting.

I guess I should begin with the tell-all statement of truth: My name is Addie and right now, I’m “obsessed” (I hate that word, as much as I use it) with One Direction.

That’s right, you read that correctly. One Direction. Having trouble believing it? I’ll wait.

*waits patiently*

Did you process it yet? All right, great, moving on—

I’m just as surprised as anyone that I got into One Direction. Not to say that they weren’t good or anything. I just never got heavily into them when they came out. I always knew who they were because honestly, who didn’t? And I liked about 6 of their songs, which I had on my iPod. “What Makes You Beautiful” was always a good jam, especially for singing in the car!! Whatever else I knew about them, I knew from my cousins who were into them at the time. (Cousins who aren't into them anymore, I'll have you know). I knew all of their names and what they looked like. And whenever they were in the news (Louis having a baby, Zayn leaving, etc.) I’d browse the articles because I was curious. But that was the extent of it. I always thought I was too old to like them. When they came out, they were so young-looking!! But like I said, I thought they were good but that was it.

And then. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then.

**PAUSE**

A little sidenote:

During the time that One Direction was around, I was very much into my old music. The Beatles, Buddy Holly, Elvis, so on and so forth. And that type of music will always be the music of my soul, the most important music to me; ever. But that’s what I was into pretty heavily. Then there was Jersey Boys and Newsies Broadway. (All of those=life). And then, back to the oldies with The Beach Boys.
I pretty much ignored and, for lack of better term, shit on modern music. Which, by the way, most deserved it. Maybe. Anyways, what I’m trying to say, is that I was a bit (a lot) uptight and in my own world and vehemently against modern music, for the most part. There were still always songs/bands/singers I liked.

**END SIDENOTE PAUSE**

CUT TO: 2016

I felt myself getting more and more into modern music this year. There was just a good amount of music that I was liking.

Then it began.

I’ll try to keep it brief but there are no promises because this is me after all.
One day, I was bored and randomly on YouTube. I saw something for James Cordon’s Carpool Karaoke and thought, “Hey, I’ve never seen any of those videos, it's supposed to be funny. I should check it out.” So, I searched “Carpool Karaoke” and decided on the One Direction video. I realized I never really heard them speak before and was curious.

Well.

I watched it, I laughed, I enjoyed. I realized that they didn’t look like babies anymore and that their accents were definitely sexy. (Who doesn’t love British/Irish accents?) I was attracted to Harry’s beautiful long hair (best hair I’ve ever seen on a man, by the way) and loved seeing them sing. They were on hiatus by this point, I knew that. I also recognized a song (“Perfect”) from hearing it on the radio and decided I liked it.

After that, I saw two more James Cordon/One Direction videos so I watched them too. (Dodgeball and Tattoo Roulette). Loved then both!! That was the most I had ever seen of One Direction. That was that. Or so I thought.

I got “Perfect” and it became my song of the moment. I loved it and listened to it often. I listened to some of the other One Direction songs I had on my iPod. I kind of fell in love with the “Perfect” music video and watched it a couple of times. One day, I watched music videos with my sister and cousin and we ended up watching “What Makes You Beautiful” and “Perfect” and I realized just how much One Direction had changed. I also made them watch the carpool karaoke and the other two videos of them with James Cordon.

Again, I thought that was it. But I was very wrong.

To keep the rest semi-short: I got two more songs: “Best Song Ever” and “Story of My Life.” And then “No Control.” At some point before all this, I followed them on Instagram. Funnily enough, I think I already was following them on Twitter. Then I thought, maybe I should listen to more of their music. I listened to random songs on YouTube and liked them. One thing lead to another and then BAM, I got their whole discography and listened to it and I was hooked. Then I watched their music videos and a shit-ton of interviews. I got/listened to/liked Zayn’s solo album. Eventually, I watched their movie. Which I own now. I also own four out of their five albums. I, ironically, don’t have the album “Four.” And now I’m all in the fandom, loving them, being all fan-girly. I pre-ordered the magazine featuring Harry. I freaked with the rest of the world about Niall’s solo song (it’s beautiful by the way). And the uncertainty of when they’re coming back makes me nervous. (Notice how I said “when” because they will be back). I also realized that there is a huge adult fan base so I don’t feel weird. Which, I’m not because in retrospect, I’m not that much older than them. They’re all within four years of my age so why feel weird? Anyways, I’m in the fandom good and proper and not going anywhere.

Oh and yeah, I’m getting a tattoo of one of their songs tomorrow. (Don’t judge!! Or, judge and fuck off!!)

Now, before I go further, allow me this moment of pure fan-girling:

Louis is beautiful and my favorite. He is too awesome for words. And Harry, HARRY!! If you don’t love Harry Styles, then you got problems. He’s beautiful in every way. And his voice, holy shit, his voice!! And that long hair, oooooh. Which is gone now, very very sad. But he still looks amazing with his short hair. I just miss the long hair. Legit the best hair I've ever seen on a man. And of course, there's Liam (Li-YUM) and baby Niall. And yes, Zayn. Beautiful, beautiful Zayn. Yes, he left the band and yes that sucks but he's great. And his album is stellar. Much love for Zayn. I love their music videos and I watch them a lot a lot!! "Best Song Ever" and "Perfect" are my favourites. And the London Sessions were so good!! And let me tell you, I've never been so active on Twitter before. And yeah, I listen to them quite a bit. Like a lot. A lot a lot. I annoy people. And I don't care mwahaha!! And holy shit their music is great but their latest album "Made In The AM" is fucking pure gold. "If I Could Fly"? Holy. Shit. That is all. I advise everyone to listen to the album. It's beyond amazing. Love love love looooove One Direction. I'm waiting for the day to see them in concert.

And now, a little bonus rant: People don’t give One Direction nearly enough credit. They are really good. They’re not just some little boy band or fad or whatever else people think they are. People give you shit for liking them. They are extremely talented and they wrote a lot of their own stuff. They are different from any other band I’ve ever seen. They came on the scene and shattered all of the boy band “rules” so to speak. They have the biggest fan base I have ever seen and the only band I’ve seen that rivals The Beatles. And that’s saying something. Especially me saying it. They deserve more credit, pure and simple.

All right, I’m back. Now, onto the introspective/serious-like stuff:

I said before that I was all closed-minded when I was heavily into old music. Which was true. But honestly, One Direction grabbed me and pulled me into the modern world. And I have to say I like it. It's kind of nice liking someone who is so relevant and actually around. (And not, you know, dead). It's different but for once in my life, I feel like I'm in my own generation and I'm okay with it. I don't feel as disconnected. Don't get me wrong, I'll always love the oldies and The Beatles are my #1 always. But it's nice to be modern and feel like my own age.

Because of this, I feel that I've changed. The whole being modern thing, for one. But also, I don't have such a guttural aversion to modern music anymore. It's not the same as old music, that's for sure, but I'm okay with it. I've been in club settings and I find myself okay with the music and bopping along even though I won't be putting some songs on my iPod anytime soon. It's just the fact that I'm more open, more chill, more modern. And I'm okay with it. I don't feel like I'm fighting against it anymore. I've realized that it doesn't matter. While I love being the oldies girl, I'm also okay with being my own age; a millennial. Something I thought was akin to the fucking plague not too long ago. It probably sounds trite, I know, but it's how I feel.

The funny thing--my friends made fun of me for liking old music and now that I listen to more modern music, they say it's weird and not me. I guess you just can't win!! But don't fret, I still have strong opinions on some modern songs haha. And side note: I was into the modern music of the time when I was in high school so calm down, people.

Continuing with the subject of changing--I feel that I've become different. Now, maybe it's the quarter-life crisis talking but I've changed. I've lost all of my up-tightness and as much as I hate to admit it, my slight holier-than-thou attitude. I'm chill and good with whatever. I'm more girly (fucking weird, right?) and I want to go out, live it up, party, have life experiences, do it all. I'm not saying this is good but I don't mind drinking when I go out and I've had a smoke or two or seven haha. Again, not condoning smoking, I'm illustrating a point. So, yeah, it's definitely the quarter-life crisis talking but what can you do? And all of this 1D/modern music makes for a most stellar soundtrack for fun-having!!

This is probably going to sound stupid and sappy and whatever but it's true. I sincerely love being into One Direction. I am so happy that I got into them. I hate that I got into them so late, when they're on hiatus, but still, I love it. I get to witness all of their solo work which I'm excited for. And, I know, I'll get to see them reunite one day.

So there you have it. I'm very up with the One Direction love. And I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Quarter Life Crisis Take#2

quarterlife crisis

/ˈkwɔːtəˌlaɪf/

noun

1.

a crisis that may be experienced in one's twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one's life

Remember that time I said I was going through a quarter-life crisis just before/after turning twenty-five? (Which I was, it’s true). But then shortly after, I thought I was over it. Remember when I was sorely wrong about that?

Oh boy, was I wrong!!

I felt like I was on the verge of a giant freak-out as I approached my twenty-fifth birthday last year. I was going through a bout of high anxiety around that time as well and it felt chaotic in my head. It’s not so much the age that bothered me as it was the lack of accomplishments in my life. Which, by definition, is a quarter-life crisis. Learning about it and realizing that I wasn’t alone helped me. I understood that not everything is supposed to come together by a certain age and that there is always time to achieve your goals. Twenty-five is not the end of the world, you’re still young and have plenty of time. Once I understood that, I thought I was good. Crisis averted.

Yet here I am, almost twenty-six years old, and fully in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis. I’ve since calmed most of my career and love-related anxiety, making peace with the fact that it will happen as long as I keep trying. (I am trying, in both respects). As much as I do still have anxiety over the career/love thing, it’s something else that’s sparking the crisis.

For a good chunk of time now, I’ve had the urge to have all of these experiences I’ve never had. I look back to when I was a teenager and I can’t help but notice how boring I was. I don’t want to say I wasn’t happy or that I didn’t have great memories because I did. I just wish that I had loosened up a bit and experienced a little more. I’m disregarding the fact that as a teenager I didn’t care to do anything everyone else was doing. My friends were the same. We all went to youth group together. Which was great; that’s where we all met and cemented our friendship. I’m grateful for it as well. Still, I wish I had done more.

I have the urge to experience the party scene (which I never did), get drunk (I didn’t care to drink as a teenager and so far, it seems that I am un-drunkable—not even kidding. I can seemingly hold my liquor haha). I’ve never dated, never had a boyfriend; I have zero experience in the man area. (And don’t think that doesn’t bother me). It all sounds really stupid, I know. But it’s something I never did and now want to do. I want to let loose, live life, party, stay up all night, go wild, etc. It’s a way I’ve never been and it’s weird that I want to be now. But I’m willing to embrace it.

I also attribute my recent foray into modern music to my quarter-life crisis. There was a time when I was vehemently against modern music. I lived in the past and loved everything about the oldies. Let’s get one thing straight before I move forward—I will always love old music, first and foremost. I will always be an old soul. The Beatles will always be my number one. My roots are very ‘50s rocker/’60s hippie and that will never change. BUT—I’ve embraced modern music in a way that I haven’t before. I have even broken down and liked Justin Bieber. That’s right. You heard it here. It’s only like one song, before you all explode from shock. Still, it’s enough. I’ve gotten into so many songs from today and have (almost) no problem flipping through the modern radio stations.

Then there’s the One Direction. I’m not even touching that one right now. Yes, I love One Direction. Yes, it’s unexpected. I knew them before, liked some of their songs but now? I full-out love them, not going to lie. They’re awesome. And yes, sexy British boys, blah, blah, etc. I think they’re perfect and frankly, I can’t believe I waited so long to get into them. And in my defense, there are many adult 1D fans so all you haters, shut-up. Anyways, that’s enough of that, the One Direction love is for another time, another blog. (Louis & Harry are totally the best though….Go listen to “If I Could Fly”….Their latest album is stellar, everyone should hear it….oh, they so will be coming back….sorry, I’m done).

I keep getting the feeling that I’m finally my age. I make jokes about it but I think there’s a bit of truth to it. As much as I love being different and listening to music from the past, I like the feeling of being my age and liking people that are actually still around and alive. Let’s face it, 90% of the people I admire in music, movies, whatever, are dead. Nothing wrong with that. Like I said, that’s where my heart will always be. But it’s kinda nice to be modern.

I haven’t completely lost myself though. There are still plenty of modern songs that I strongly detest. ;)

I’ve also changed fashion-wise. Again, it sounds stupid but it’s really true. For a long time, I was on the tomboy-ish/rocker/don’t-give-a-fuck side of things. Lately (meaning over the past few years), I’ve felt myself change. I’ve embraced my feminine side. (**GASP** ME?!?!) I want to wear dresses now, heels too but my feet won’t allow it. I’ve gotten into makeup, having my nails done (they need to be done ALL the time, no joke), etc. I’ve even let go of my hate of the color pink (haha). I’ve felt myself become more girlie and I’m okay with it. There’s nothing wrong with being girlie, of course. I’ve boiled it down to this: You can look good and still kick ass. Like Buffy. Because let’s be honest, if you don’t want to be like Buffy then you just aren’t cool.

Oooh and let’s not forget about the upcoming fourth tattoo. That one will totally signify my quarter-life crisis. You’d think so too if I told you what it’s going to be. ;)

I think the fear that’s fueling this quarter-life crisis is the fear of having regrets. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I haven’t even lived. I don’t want to regret not having any life experiences. I’m afraid of becoming one of those people who are unsatisfied in their middle age because of all the things they didn’t do. So, that’s why I want to do these things now. I’ve been told that I’m still young (which, I am) and that I should go out and live. That’s not to say that there’s an age limit to fun and experience. I just want to start now.

I made a promise to myself that I will get the experiences I crave. Maybe it won’t be all it’s cracked up to be in my mind and maybe I’ll completely hate it but at least I’ll be able to say that I’ve done it.

BRING IT ON!!!!

Who Am I?!

Sounds philosophical but it’s not. At least I don’t think so. Anyways.

For pretty much all my life I’ve been a sort of tomboy. I don’t want to say a full-out tomboy because I don’t feel that I had the total qualities of one. I did like to dress primarily in darker colours and mostly jeans and t-shirts or pants in general. I rocked the Converse. Still do. I hated pink. No I mean, I hated pink. And you had to force me to wear dresses. Makeup was up and down for me. Sometimes I wore it, foundation and all, then I went years without wearing any or taking much care in my appearance. (I still cringe). There was that whole thing about always wanting to kick ass Power Rangers style and wanting to be all the male characters in whatever I watched. I was always teetering on the edge of tomboy-ness.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I liked my fair share of girlie things; boy bands, romance movies, a plethora of sexy actors and musicians. (See my obsessions post from way back). I dabbled in makeup and liked painting my nails and all that. Sometimes I liked getting dressed up. But for all intents and purposes, I was more tomboy. My friend always said she wanted to put me on “What Not to Wear.” (Nice, right? Haha)

Let’s not forget my whole stance on modern music. There’s a blog post on that too. I still detest 85% of modern music. But for a while, I was seemingly filled with an angry hate for modern music. This was in the beginning of my Beatles conversion. (Still the best band in the world might I add).

Moving on to the point of this word vomit.

One day, the sky opened up, a bolt of lightning flashed and hit me. It changed my insides and so then I became different. Or—not. I found myself slowly changing over time. I got back into makeup and never left. Half of the reason I wear makeup is to cover up my gross acne (don’t get me started though it’s better now) but the other half is because I like it. I think it makes me look good. I even fill out my eyebrows!! I wear makeup whenever I go out with an exception of a few places. I’ve gotten into shellac and I get my nails done every two weeks. I’m rarely without painted nails. In the summer I like to have a pedicure as well. I go to the hairdresser more frequently to have my hair dyed and styled (I got cool bangs, yo). And I like to dress a bit differently, sometimes a little more girlie. I feel that I’m taking more pride in my appearance and that I want to look all good and pretty and shit. (Well at least my sailor’s mouth is still intact).

Oh and I like pink. Kind of. I like pink. I know, it’s catastrophic. I wear pink things and sometimes paint my nails pink. My favorite lipstick is bright pink. I know. I’m shocked too.

I spent $75 at Sephora and became a beauty insider or whatever. ME. I bought Victorian-style boots that look all fancy. I chose to wear dresses now. I downloaded the Starbucks app and intend to get a gold card. I like to wear pearls. I have a fancy watch. I take a long time to get ready because I’m perfecting my makeup. I sometimes wear heels. (They still hurt me so I’m not quite there yet). I do wear flats a lot though. I know there’s more. I sometimes post selfies. And sometimes with song quotes. *GASP*

*cries* SINCE WHEN AM I A WOMAN?!?!

Oh and let’s not forget the music. Now, I have my fair share of modern songs. I always have. But I swear, this year I have downloaded so many modern songs it’s not funny. One Justin Bieber song. Just one. And then there’s the One Direction thing. Yes, I said One Direction. Some may toss around the words “new obsession” but that’s neither here nor there. I liked them when they came out. I had a few of their songs. But all of a sudden, recently, it was just BOOM. Now I’m all into them. I listened to all of their albums. (They have a lot of great stuff, by the way. I suggest checking out “If I Could Fly” because holy shit). I’ve picked a favorite. (Louis heehee, *girlie giggles* Also, forever attracted to Harry’s long hair). I also may be listening to them as I write this. (You and me got a whole lot of history….)

Let’s face it. I’m a woman. And more into modern music. (Though my ranting on how most modern music sucks is still intact. ‘50s & ‘60s music FTW!!) (And see—I’m using some modern slang. Whaaaaaaat?!)

Like I always say, I’m never just one thing. I’m a walking contradiction. (I have a poem I wrote about that lying around somewhere….) And I have also deduced that you can be tough, kick ass, and still look good doing it.

Ironically, I have a toothpick hanging from my mouth as I write this like I’m some rough cowboy type. So, the tomboy still lurks somewhere.

Of course, none of this is to be taken seriously. There’s nothing wrong with being any certain way. And liking all I mentioned doesn’t equate to being a woman. A woman is a woman and that’s it. It’s all meant to be tongue-in-cheek. I’m perfectly happy being a mix of tough (tough?! Right!!) and girlie.

Remember: you can kick-ass and still look hot doing it!! It’s called being a woman. ;)

Peace.

I Can Hear Music

Y'all knew this one was coming. 

Where do I even begin? Everyone who knows me knows that I love the music of the past. I often say that I live in the past and that the music from back then was better.

Well, it was. 

Let's do a few comparisons: 

"If every word I said, could make you laugh I'd talk forever" vs. "Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he calling me NyQuil." 

"You can check out any time you like but you can never leave" vs. "I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey), open doors for me and you might get some kisses." 

"And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be" vs. "That's so ratchet, this girl is such a fake model." 

"Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know, your stairway lies on the whispering wind?" vs. "Do you need me? Do you think I'm pretty? Do I make you feel like cheating?"

It hurt me physically to put those together. I think I may barf. 

All right, I admit, I purposely looked for the most amazing old lyrics and compared them to shitty modern songs. And I'm obviously bias. But this isn't journalism, it's a blog. It was to illustrate my point. Sorry for offending whoever may be offended And okay, not all songs back then were like that. There were songs about surfing and cars and love and going on dates but it was the simplicity that was beautiful. 

Music to me is extremely special. To me, it's not something that you just listen to. It's oxygen, it's lifeblood. It's something you can't survive without. If you took away my ability to listen to music, I'd die. And I know I'm not making this up, there's a shit-ton of studies on it. Music is supposed to make you feel. It's supposed to touch your soul. To me, there's nothing better than listening to something and getting chills all over because it's that good. When you listen to something and you feel like you're feeding off it, like it's giving you something--man, there's nothing better. 

Also, I like the respect that comes with liking old music. As selfish or obnoxious as that sounds, it's true. I was at a gas station with my sister once. I, being heavy into my Jersey Boys obsession, was blasting "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" while my sister was filling up. This older man, probably in his late '50s or early '60s heard it and told me to roll the window down and turn it up. When the song was over, he was all happy and said that he loved that song. He offered to pay for our gas or buy us an ice cream just because we made his day by playing that song. He also gave me his card and asked if I could e-mail him some old music, which I did. Right then I realized how amazing it felt to like the music that I do. So many people from the older generation look down on my generation and it's nice to surprise them and gain that look of respect. I feel like I've always gotten along well with older people anyways. I can talk music with them, which is cool. (I totally need a man my age who I can do the same with so umm, future husband, where are you?) 

I don't know why I like the old music so much. I grew up with 1050 CHUM or Oldies 1150 always playing on the radio. My sister has always been into the oldies music since she was a kid. It's always been in my life. But it took me a while to fully immerse myself in it. I grew up with boy bands and musical soundtracks (Newsies heeeey!!!!) but also Metallica, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Guns N' Roses, Queen, etc, because of my brother. In high school I was all into rock and I liked a whackload of modern day rock bands. Then around grade 12, the oldies really started to filter in. Then came the great Beatles apocalypse and that was that. Oldies became my life. And after that I felt like I found what I really loved. My soul connected with the music and that was it. I love all different types of music from many different eras but my heart lies with the oldies. 

The funny thing? All old music was modern music at one point. And not everyone loved it. I'm sure in '20s when jazz hit the scene, there were people complaining that classical was better. And when rock n roll hit in the '50s, some people stuck with jazz. And so on and so forth. I guess I like that early rock n roll was so different and impactful and how it changed the history of music. Even though the lyrics and chords may have been simple, I like that. It has something today's music lacks. I love how the mid-sixties and seventies were all about pushing the envelope and developing a real sound. But there was still a mystery about it all. Not today where everything hangs out. I'd rather hear about the mystical stairway to Heaven instead of how this guy wants to see this girl's tits or something. Back then, The Beatles sang a song about blowjobs and there's a Beach Boys song with sex noises in the background. (I know, right?!) They flirted with the taboo subjects but didn't outright say it. That's wicked. And also hilarious. 

Now, don't get me wrong here. I grew up in the '90s and was a teenager in the early '00s. I liked and still like plenty of modern music. I love '80s, '90s and '00s as well. I have a lot of songs on my iPod that can attest to that. I like Bruno Mars and Katy Perry and some Taylor Swift and Maroon 5 and whatever else. I like some music that will truly surprise you. 

And don't think I'm telling you what you have to like. My God, you can like whatever the hell you want. My opinion is not yours and yours is not mine. Whatever music makes you feel good, listen to it. Music, like art, is subjective. As long as it makes you feel something, then that's all that matters. If Pitbull does it for you, great. Miley Cyrus? Awesome. Taylor Swift? Amazing. That's all you. I have no right to tell you what to like. I'm only telling you what I like. 

And okay, not every piece of music has to be a spiritual experience. Sometimes you want to let loose and have fun and listen to extremely obnoxious pop music. Don't think I don't. I'm talking about music as a whole when I geek out over its spiritualism.  

Of course, I'm never going to change my opinion. I will always maintain that old music is better. And that's totally fine. Because it's what I think and what I chose to listen to. Everyone is different. I'm not better than anyone, there's no right or wrong here. It's a to each their own situation. Respect everyone's opinion.

Yeah, I rag on people and make fun of my friends for liking modern music but I'm only kidding. The only time I'll ever get mad is if you tell me that I shouldn't be listening to old music. Then I will tell you where, when and how many ways you can fuck off. It's happened before. And it majorly pisses me off. Once you start getting judge-y and tell me what I should be listening to because of when I was born, I will flip on you. In the end, everyone listens to whatever the hell they want to. 

But, I mean, you all know that modern music sucks, right? ;) 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the songs mentioned, rights belong to the respective artists. Also, thank you to Melissa and Maddalena for helping me out!!