My New Direction Is The Direction

Y’all knew this was coming.

Don’t worry. It’s only half-crazy obsessing and half-introspective musings on how I’ve changed, mostly because of the direction.

Strap in, children, the ride is just starting.

I guess I should begin with the tell-all statement of truth: My name is Addie and right now, I’m “obsessed” (I hate that word, as much as I use it) with One Direction.

That’s right, you read that correctly. One Direction. Having trouble believing it? I’ll wait.

*waits patiently*

Did you process it yet? All right, great, moving on—

I’m just as surprised as anyone that I got into One Direction. Not to say that they weren’t good or anything. I just never got heavily into them when they came out. I always knew who they were because honestly, who didn’t? And I liked about 6 of their songs, which I had on my iPod. “What Makes You Beautiful” was always a good jam, especially for singing in the car!! Whatever else I knew about them, I knew from my cousins who were into them at the time. (Cousins who aren't into them anymore, I'll have you know). I knew all of their names and what they looked like. And whenever they were in the news (Louis having a baby, Zayn leaving, etc.) I’d browse the articles because I was curious. But that was the extent of it. I always thought I was too old to like them. When they came out, they were so young-looking!! But like I said, I thought they were good but that was it.

And then. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then.

**PAUSE**

A little sidenote:

During the time that One Direction was around, I was very much into my old music. The Beatles, Buddy Holly, Elvis, so on and so forth. And that type of music will always be the music of my soul, the most important music to me; ever. But that’s what I was into pretty heavily. Then there was Jersey Boys and Newsies Broadway. (All of those=life). And then, back to the oldies with The Beach Boys.
I pretty much ignored and, for lack of better term, shit on modern music. Which, by the way, most deserved it. Maybe. Anyways, what I’m trying to say, is that I was a bit (a lot) uptight and in my own world and vehemently against modern music, for the most part. There were still always songs/bands/singers I liked.

**END SIDENOTE PAUSE**

CUT TO: 2016

I felt myself getting more and more into modern music this year. There was just a good amount of music that I was liking.

Then it began.

I’ll try to keep it brief but there are no promises because this is me after all.
One day, I was bored and randomly on YouTube. I saw something for James Cordon’s Carpool Karaoke and thought, “Hey, I’ve never seen any of those videos, it's supposed to be funny. I should check it out.” So, I searched “Carpool Karaoke” and decided on the One Direction video. I realized I never really heard them speak before and was curious.

Well.

I watched it, I laughed, I enjoyed. I realized that they didn’t look like babies anymore and that their accents were definitely sexy. (Who doesn’t love British/Irish accents?) I was attracted to Harry’s beautiful long hair (best hair I’ve ever seen on a man, by the way) and loved seeing them sing. They were on hiatus by this point, I knew that. I also recognized a song (“Perfect”) from hearing it on the radio and decided I liked it.

After that, I saw two more James Cordon/One Direction videos so I watched them too. (Dodgeball and Tattoo Roulette). Loved then both!! That was the most I had ever seen of One Direction. That was that. Or so I thought.

I got “Perfect” and it became my song of the moment. I loved it and listened to it often. I listened to some of the other One Direction songs I had on my iPod. I kind of fell in love with the “Perfect” music video and watched it a couple of times. One day, I watched music videos with my sister and cousin and we ended up watching “What Makes You Beautiful” and “Perfect” and I realized just how much One Direction had changed. I also made them watch the carpool karaoke and the other two videos of them with James Cordon.

Again, I thought that was it. But I was very wrong.

To keep the rest semi-short: I got two more songs: “Best Song Ever” and “Story of My Life.” And then “No Control.” At some point before all this, I followed them on Instagram. Funnily enough, I think I already was following them on Twitter. Then I thought, maybe I should listen to more of their music. I listened to random songs on YouTube and liked them. One thing lead to another and then BAM, I got their whole discography and listened to it and I was hooked. Then I watched their music videos and a shit-ton of interviews. I got/listened to/liked Zayn’s solo album. Eventually, I watched their movie. Which I own now. I also own four out of their five albums. I, ironically, don’t have the album “Four.” And now I’m all in the fandom, loving them, being all fan-girly. I pre-ordered the magazine featuring Harry. I freaked with the rest of the world about Niall’s solo song (it’s beautiful by the way). And the uncertainty of when they’re coming back makes me nervous. (Notice how I said “when” because they will be back). I also realized that there is a huge adult fan base so I don’t feel weird. Which, I’m not because in retrospect, I’m not that much older than them. They’re all within four years of my age so why feel weird? Anyways, I’m in the fandom good and proper and not going anywhere.

Oh and yeah, I’m getting a tattoo of one of their songs tomorrow. (Don’t judge!! Or, judge and fuck off!!)

Now, before I go further, allow me this moment of pure fan-girling:

Louis is beautiful and my favorite. He is too awesome for words. And Harry, HARRY!! If you don’t love Harry Styles, then you got problems. He’s beautiful in every way. And his voice, holy shit, his voice!! And that long hair, oooooh. Which is gone now, very very sad. But he still looks amazing with his short hair. I just miss the long hair. Legit the best hair I've ever seen on a man. And of course, there's Liam (Li-YUM) and baby Niall. And yes, Zayn. Beautiful, beautiful Zayn. Yes, he left the band and yes that sucks but he's great. And his album is stellar. Much love for Zayn. I love their music videos and I watch them a lot a lot!! "Best Song Ever" and "Perfect" are my favourites. And the London Sessions were so good!! And let me tell you, I've never been so active on Twitter before. And yeah, I listen to them quite a bit. Like a lot. A lot a lot. I annoy people. And I don't care mwahaha!! And holy shit their music is great but their latest album "Made In The AM" is fucking pure gold. "If I Could Fly"? Holy. Shit. That is all. I advise everyone to listen to the album. It's beyond amazing. Love love love looooove One Direction. I'm waiting for the day to see them in concert.

And now, a little bonus rant: People don’t give One Direction nearly enough credit. They are really good. They’re not just some little boy band or fad or whatever else people think they are. People give you shit for liking them. They are extremely talented and they wrote a lot of their own stuff. They are different from any other band I’ve ever seen. They came on the scene and shattered all of the boy band “rules” so to speak. They have the biggest fan base I have ever seen and the only band I’ve seen that rivals The Beatles. And that’s saying something. Especially me saying it. They deserve more credit, pure and simple.

All right, I’m back. Now, onto the introspective/serious-like stuff:

I said before that I was all closed-minded when I was heavily into old music. Which was true. But honestly, One Direction grabbed me and pulled me into the modern world. And I have to say I like it. It's kind of nice liking someone who is so relevant and actually around. (And not, you know, dead). It's different but for once in my life, I feel like I'm in my own generation and I'm okay with it. I don't feel as disconnected. Don't get me wrong, I'll always love the oldies and The Beatles are my #1 always. But it's nice to be modern and feel like my own age.

Because of this, I feel that I've changed. The whole being modern thing, for one. But also, I don't have such a guttural aversion to modern music anymore. It's not the same as old music, that's for sure, but I'm okay with it. I've been in club settings and I find myself okay with the music and bopping along even though I won't be putting some songs on my iPod anytime soon. It's just the fact that I'm more open, more chill, more modern. And I'm okay with it. I don't feel like I'm fighting against it anymore. I've realized that it doesn't matter. While I love being the oldies girl, I'm also okay with being my own age; a millennial. Something I thought was akin to the fucking plague not too long ago. It probably sounds trite, I know, but it's how I feel.

The funny thing--my friends made fun of me for liking old music and now that I listen to more modern music, they say it's weird and not me. I guess you just can't win!! But don't fret, I still have strong opinions on some modern songs haha. And side note: I was into the modern music of the time when I was in high school so calm down, people.

Continuing with the subject of changing--I feel that I've become different. Now, maybe it's the quarter-life crisis talking but I've changed. I've lost all of my up-tightness and as much as I hate to admit it, my slight holier-than-thou attitude. I'm chill and good with whatever. I'm more girly (fucking weird, right?) and I want to go out, live it up, party, have life experiences, do it all. I'm not saying this is good but I don't mind drinking when I go out and I've had a smoke or two or seven haha. Again, not condoning smoking, I'm illustrating a point. So, yeah, it's definitely the quarter-life crisis talking but what can you do? And all of this 1D/modern music makes for a most stellar soundtrack for fun-having!!

This is probably going to sound stupid and sappy and whatever but it's true. I sincerely love being into One Direction. I am so happy that I got into them. I hate that I got into them so late, when they're on hiatus, but still, I love it. I get to witness all of their solo work which I'm excited for. And, I know, I'll get to see them reunite one day.

So there you have it. I'm very up with the One Direction love. And I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Don't F**king Call Me Cute!!

All right, listen up ‘cause shit’s about to get real.

Let me start off by saying that I’m pretty damn short. 4’10 ½ to be exact. (And yes, the half counts). I’ve also read articles where fellow short people have ranted about the feelings of anger (or white-hot rage) that the word “cute” induces. But this is my take on it.

Cute is a fine word in itself. A lot of things in this world are cute. A basket full of puppies? Cute. A red and white polka-dot dress? Cute. Louis Tomlinson? Cute. (AKA extremely sexy). But you get the point. It’s fine to describe things as cute when it fits but when it’s said with a condescending tone or even worse, when it’s preceded by “Awww”, it’s one of the most annoying things ever.

I am not cute. 

Don’t fucking call me cute!! I may be short and I may be (mostly) sweet but I’m an (almost) twenty-six year old woman (WOMAN) so please don’t refer to me as “cute” like I’m a kindergarten student. Because it makes me want to cut you and I will cut you. Or, at least, in my head I will, all the while wearing a “cute” smile on my face.

I’m not saying that I’d rather be called Queen Bad Bitch who is awesome, kicks ass, and lives life like a boss but I’m saying that I want to be called Queen Bad Bitch who is awesome, kicks ass, and lives life like a boss.

It’s not even about being short, either. Sometimes people feel the need to have a condescending attitude towards your endeavors or your hobbies or the things that you like. The list goes on. It doesn’t matter what it is. When it’s said, I can feel my blood boil and my eyes roll so far back into my head I can see my cute little brain. And then I get the overwhelming urge to choke a bitch.

I can picture it clearly—someone calls you cute so you respond with something like: “Hey fuck you, motherfucker.” And they just smile and say: “Aww that’s so cute!!” And that’s when I get arrested and go to jail for murder.

Look, if you want to compliment someone, then use the word “cute.” As long as it’s not condescending. I can’t help but laugh at the people who use it that way, though. It makes me wonder why they think they’re so great. You’re not cool so I don’t know why you are under the notion that you are or that anyone cares what you think.

Moral of this very short story? Don’t be the asshole who condescending calls someone “cute” because you look like an idiot and you’re probably going to get slapped. By me.

Though I suppose it doesn’t matter in the end. People can say what they want and they’re going to, whether you like it or not. It’s up to you to let it bother you. And remember, you can always kick someone’s ass and then pretend you didn’t do it. You’re so cute, after all. ;)

This was extremely, random, I know. It just popped into my head and I felt like writing it down. So, take it with a grain of salt!!

Who Am I?!

Sounds philosophical but it’s not. At least I don’t think so. Anyways.

For pretty much all my life I’ve been a sort of tomboy. I don’t want to say a full-out tomboy because I don’t feel that I had the total qualities of one. I did like to dress primarily in darker colours and mostly jeans and t-shirts or pants in general. I rocked the Converse. Still do. I hated pink. No I mean, I hated pink. And you had to force me to wear dresses. Makeup was up and down for me. Sometimes I wore it, foundation and all, then I went years without wearing any or taking much care in my appearance. (I still cringe). There was that whole thing about always wanting to kick ass Power Rangers style and wanting to be all the male characters in whatever I watched. I was always teetering on the edge of tomboy-ness.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I liked my fair share of girlie things; boy bands, romance movies, a plethora of sexy actors and musicians. (See my obsessions post from way back). I dabbled in makeup and liked painting my nails and all that. Sometimes I liked getting dressed up. But for all intents and purposes, I was more tomboy. My friend always said she wanted to put me on “What Not to Wear.” (Nice, right? Haha)

Let’s not forget my whole stance on modern music. There’s a blog post on that too. I still detest 85% of modern music. But for a while, I was seemingly filled with an angry hate for modern music. This was in the beginning of my Beatles conversion. (Still the best band in the world might I add).

Moving on to the point of this word vomit.

One day, the sky opened up, a bolt of lightning flashed and hit me. It changed my insides and so then I became different. Or—not. I found myself slowly changing over time. I got back into makeup and never left. Half of the reason I wear makeup is to cover up my gross acne (don’t get me started though it’s better now) but the other half is because I like it. I think it makes me look good. I even fill out my eyebrows!! I wear makeup whenever I go out with an exception of a few places. I’ve gotten into shellac and I get my nails done every two weeks. I’m rarely without painted nails. In the summer I like to have a pedicure as well. I go to the hairdresser more frequently to have my hair dyed and styled (I got cool bangs, yo). And I like to dress a bit differently, sometimes a little more girlie. I feel that I’m taking more pride in my appearance and that I want to look all good and pretty and shit. (Well at least my sailor’s mouth is still intact).

Oh and I like pink. Kind of. I like pink. I know, it’s catastrophic. I wear pink things and sometimes paint my nails pink. My favorite lipstick is bright pink. I know. I’m shocked too.

I spent $75 at Sephora and became a beauty insider or whatever. ME. I bought Victorian-style boots that look all fancy. I chose to wear dresses now. I downloaded the Starbucks app and intend to get a gold card. I like to wear pearls. I have a fancy watch. I take a long time to get ready because I’m perfecting my makeup. I sometimes wear heels. (They still hurt me so I’m not quite there yet). I do wear flats a lot though. I know there’s more. I sometimes post selfies. And sometimes with song quotes. *GASP*

*cries* SINCE WHEN AM I A WOMAN?!?!

Oh and let’s not forget the music. Now, I have my fair share of modern songs. I always have. But I swear, this year I have downloaded so many modern songs it’s not funny. One Justin Bieber song. Just one. And then there’s the One Direction thing. Yes, I said One Direction. Some may toss around the words “new obsession” but that’s neither here nor there. I liked them when they came out. I had a few of their songs. But all of a sudden, recently, it was just BOOM. Now I’m all into them. I listened to all of their albums. (They have a lot of great stuff, by the way. I suggest checking out “If I Could Fly” because holy shit). I’ve picked a favorite. (Louis heehee, *girlie giggles* Also, forever attracted to Harry’s long hair). I also may be listening to them as I write this. (You and me got a whole lot of history….)

Let’s face it. I’m a woman. And more into modern music. (Though my ranting on how most modern music sucks is still intact. ‘50s & ‘60s music FTW!!) (And see—I’m using some modern slang. Whaaaaaaat?!)

Like I always say, I’m never just one thing. I’m a walking contradiction. (I have a poem I wrote about that lying around somewhere….) And I have also deduced that you can be tough, kick ass, and still look good doing it.

Ironically, I have a toothpick hanging from my mouth as I write this like I’m some rough cowboy type. So, the tomboy still lurks somewhere.

Of course, none of this is to be taken seriously. There’s nothing wrong with being any certain way. And liking all I mentioned doesn’t equate to being a woman. A woman is a woman and that’s it. It’s all meant to be tongue-in-cheek. I’m perfectly happy being a mix of tough (tough?! Right!!) and girlie.

Remember: you can kick-ass and still look hot doing it!! It’s called being a woman. ;)

Peace.

Inspiration and Determination

“You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.” –Ralph Marston

I am so shocked by my own personal change in attitude that I feel the need to share it with the world. Granted, I’m a writer and I tend to want to share everything with the world. But I digress. I decided that I would leave all of my anxiety and negativity in 2015 and go forward with positivity and confidence. And it was as easy as saying it. Or at least it was a stepping stone towards permanently adopting those attitudes.

This decision to change my attitude transcends New Year’s resolutions and stems from the fact that I am and always have been majorly anxiety-ridden, paranoid, slightly pessimistic, and a smidge cynical. A lot of people are and yes, it’s normal; everyone suffers from or deals with something. But it doesn’t mean that it isn’t exhausting and debilitating. It messes with your mind and your health and affects you physically as well as mentally. It can get in the way of your everyday life and it makes it hard to do the little things.

I suppose I’ve been this way my entire life but I only became fully aware of it when I was seventeen (almost eighteen) and preparing to enter college. Maybe it was the uncertainty of what college would be like or the starting of a new chapter of my life that triggered it. Or maybe it was time for it to explode; no one knows why it crops up when it does, it just does. To make a long story short, the past seven years have been me dealing with a constant swirl of thoughts, freaking out over things that I shouldn’t have freaked out over and basically making every molehill into Mount Everest.

That’s not to stay that it was bad all the time. There were times when I had a handle on it and I could shove it down and be done with it for a little while. The times that it did get worse was what I called my own “mental breaks.” But even though it wasn’t always turned up to eleven, it was still there. And it was completely strenuous. It prevents you from really enjoying anything because you always have a pit of worry in your stomach and your head is always spinning with thoughts you can’t control.

So I finally decided to stop. I told myself, “That’s it, lady. You can’t do this to yourself anymore. You’re gonna drive yourself crazy and you won’t enjoy anything the way you should.” And I thought about it and I replied to myself, “Yes ma’am!” And that was it. I decided to stop and so I did. Well, I am currently. In a sense it is as easy as saying it but that doesn’t mean it’s going to magically go away. The decision is step one. The determination is what gets you there and keeps you there. I’ve learned that when I say something and really mean it, I get it done. I really like that about myself. Other times when I’ve said something and there was no determination driving it, I failed. That lends itself to losing weight too. It’s something I can feel in myself. This time, I feel it.

If you have the determination to do something, you’re golden. It starts with inspiration then gives way to determination which ultimately gives way to you achieving what you set out to achieve in the first place. I don’t want to sound hokey like all of those inspirational self-help books or cat posters but there’s a grain of truth in those things. The underlying message is that you can do it with some determination and a little hard work.

I’m proud of myself. It’s so freeing to not be in a constant state of worry. Of course, it’s not completely gone. I still do have those moments of panic/anxiety or the random irrational thought but instead of dwelling on it and freaking myself out, I stop it before it can get any further and swat it away like the annoying fly it is. I’m also surprised that I did it so easily. I’m staying positive and telling myself that I can and will keep it like this. Trust me, it’s so nice.

In Lucas Scott fashion I will end this as I began it, with a quote:

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Random Musings #3

This is going to be mostly me blabbing about my vacation and everything I did as well as a few other little tidbits thrown in. 

Also, it's October. What?! I don't understand this. The year literally just started. Anyways, it is my birthday in two weeks--celebration!!!! I do love my birthday. It's fun, there's cake and people buy you stuff. What's not to like about that? Yes yes, I'm one of those people who look forward to their birthdays and get all excited. It's fun!!

So, vacation, where to even begin? We drove down to Florida. It wasn't so bad so much as it was long. I mean, after a while you just want to get there. But it wasn't so bad overall. We stopped and ate lunch in Michigan and Tennessee which was pretty cool. And then we stayed in hotels in Ohio and Georgia. Plus, road-tripping was cool when you pretend you're Sam and Dean from Supernatural. Or--not. I listened to so much music, watched movies on my iPod and read the books that I brought. 

And then we get to Florida!! (Fucking finally!!) We stayed in a condo and it was so perfect. It's the kind of place you wouldn't mind living in. It was spacious and had everything you could possibly need. My sister and I shared a room and had our own bathroom. There was a main TV with a DVD player in the living room and then a TV in each bedroom. We definitely got plenty of use out of that!! The Americans are so lucky because they have all of the good channels. It was awesome to watch Bonanza on TV. 

So, in short, it was freaking awesome!! We went to Disney World and both Universal Studios. I can't even describe how amazing Magic Kingdom is. There's something about being there that does something to you. Seeing all of these Disney things takes you back to your childhood. And of course the rides are crazy and amazing. Let me tell you, taking my parents on Space Mountain was hilarious. They and my sister were basically shitting their pants and my brother and I were laughing. Then they do this amazing light show on the Cinderella castle. It shows all of the Disney movies and there's music and it's just pure perfection. It hits you right in the feels as they say. And then they do the fireworks above the castle. Oh Lord, there's nothing like it and there are no words to describe the feeling it gives you. I was, no joke, almost near tears. I can't tell you why; it was just that magical. You feel inspired, like all of your dreams really can come true. I know it sounds hokey but it's the place itself. You can really feel it. 

Universal, both of them, were great. This was the first time seeing it for me so I was extra mesmerized by it all. There was a section that looked like Hollywood, California which is half of my life and then a section that looked like old New York which is the other half of my life. The rides were phenomenal and both Harry Potter worlds were beyond amazing!! Butterbeer is so good too. I had two cups. And I so would have had more but they were $5.50 a piece. 

And then there were the glorious pool days. The pool was a two minute walk from where we were staying. So you walked down this path by a nice lake with cool birds and tall trees and then you end up at the main clubhouse where the pool is. The pool is beautiful; clear blue and the perfect temperature. There are two hot tubs on either side of it and lawn chairs positioned all the way around it. I shit you not, it was perfect. Floating in the pool, relaxing in the hot tub and tanning in the sun while listening to Beach Boys music. (Yeah, yeah, sue me). One of the best feelings is when you are burning hot, either from lying in the sun or soaking in the hot tub, and you jump into the pool. I wish I could do that over and over!!

Overall, fucking amazing vacation. It was great being there with my entire family. We ate food that we don't have here (too much food) and just relaxed. And you don't even want to know the amount of things I bought for myself. But I'm happy and I'd gladly go back again. 

Now, back to life. Work obviously sucks in its normal way. And it's cold!! It's like October 1st hits and Mother Nature's like: "Well, I guess it's time for y'all to freeze so here you go!" Yeah. Thanks for that. Not. But at least I'm tanned, my birthday is soon and I know what I'm dressing up as for Halloween. 

General life updates: The Beach Boys thing is still going strong but there's something else that caused a mini-explosion to erupt. Newsies. Yeah, not a shock. But I'm talking about the Broadway play. I went to see it in July and then in August and I loved it. But the whole thing didn't hit until recently. I admit, I wandered onto the fan fiction website and I found some interesting stories to read. Which I'm still reading. And then I did something I haven't done in years. I wrote fan fiction. I was sure I'd never write it again but there was an idea that wouldn't leave me alone and so I did it. It was just a short one shot and I'm actually quite proud of it. Anyways, so now I'm listening to the Broadway soundtrack and learning the words and flipping out because it's so good!! Ahh!! 

Now this one is a bit more serious and laden with advice. My friends will know what I'm talking about (if they even still read this, I don't know) but it's good for anyone to know. Put simply: Life is short. There's no time to waste on people who don't give a shit about you. The only thing to do is cut them loose, more so if that's what they want and even if it really sucks. No one needs that kind of negativity in their life. Be happy and grateful for the people who care and fuck all the rest. It's as simple as that. 

So I guess that's it for now. I promise next week I'll go back to ranting about specific topics and not just random things!! 

Random Musings #2

I missed a post last week--le gasp!! 

Now that we're over the shock that no one actually felt, welcome to another post of word vomit! (AKA lazy  as fuck to come up with a topic so I'll just write whatever comes out). 

Newsies seems to still be kicking around in my brain. It's a mood in the back of my mind while The Beach Boys take the forefront. Surprisingly but also not, Jersey Boys is still chilling somewhere back there. I only say this because right now I'm listening to Newsies at work before I open the doors and trying not to dance. And I may or may not have delved back into the fan fiction world and found some interesting things to read. But that's enough about that. 

I'm going to Florida tomorrow and my general feelings towards this are: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

I, um, enjoy vacations. It's just nice to escape life for a while and chill in a place that's somewhere else. Even nicer when this place has warm weather, pools and/or beaches and an overall feeling of relaxation. You can say a nice "BYE!!!!" to all of your worries and stresses and just chill. I've said it before, I've never been so relaxed before as I was when I was floating in the pool in Florida. I'm hoping I can recapture that feeling again. It was so nice and I know that I need that right now. We're driving so there's also an added road trip which I've always wanted to do. Then I can say that I passed through and/or stayed in some random US states. Which is cool. It amps up my traveller's cred. It's gonna be fun and I'm definitely excited. 

And when I get back at the end of September, I'm planning to get my tattoo. Well, in early October but still. I have decided. I have it half-designed already. I just need to add the finishing touches. And it's hard because I can't quite get it how I want it. I wish I could draw then it might be easier. Oh well. I'll get it eventually. I'm nervous and excited about it. I'm sensing a theme with my tattoos. Words/songs of things I really love. Hey, it's going to look awesome so I'm happy!! Tattoos are life, props to all who have them!!

I've been thinking--RUN!!!!--I feel like I've slipped into this not caring state. Which is a Libra trait (or quite possibly a downfall). Being passive and maybe sometimes too passive. Which I am. I find that I just don't care. Meaning that I can't be bothered. I don't take many things as a big deal. Traffic? Whatever, just drive, we'll get there eventually. People don't like something about me? Awesome. Bye!! For a psychotically paranoid person I'm not bothered by much. (And so my contradicting personality rears its ugly head). Not to say that there aren't things I don't care about. I can be crazy-passionate about things. It's just the little things; the everyday bullshit. I just don't give a shit. Admittedly, this could be bad hence why it's the downfall of being a Libra. But I just--I mean--I don't care. 

Apparently I'm good at coming up with barf-worthy romantic lines. I came up with this the other day: "The sun rises and sets on your smile but it is no comparison to the light of your eyes." Did y'all barf? You probably did. I'll wait. Seriously though--so sappy!! And I love romantic movies. I live and die for them. Kind of. Whatever, the point is, I love them. But those lines can be so cringe-worthy!! But also cute, you know? It's nice to hear. If a man ever said something like that I'd probably cringe but also be all "awwwwww!!" Such is life. Also, where's my man? 

Why the hell is it winter? Two days ago it was all sunny and warm and I wore a tank top. Then yesterday and today it was like nope, time for winter!! But tomorrow and the rest of the week will be hot again. Only in Canada will you find bipolar weather. 

It's my birthday soon!! (Not actually, it's like a month away, but this is my thought process). A fucking quarter century old. When did this happen?! I was seventeen last year. I was born last week. It's 1990!! I'm fine. I actually don't give a shit about getting older. Sure, on some level it has a level of suckiness to it but it's not bad. The way I see it, you are still you no matter what. Age doesn't change that. It's a number. Yeah, I admit, you feel it creeping up on you and you can't believe you're getting older but it shouldn't have to be a bad thing. It only matters what you do with life. And if you're happy. But what I originally was saying was that my birthday is soon and I don't know what to do yet to celebrate. Family would just be at home on the actual day. But with friends, I'm not sure. Maybe a semi-fancy restaurant. Or like, a trip to California and/or New York? Haha. Friends? What do you think? Yes....?

Sometimes cigarette smoke smells good. (I know I'm bouncing around from topic to topic but this is word vomit after all). This dude just walked into the walk-in where I work and he smelled of smoke and it wasn't bad. Usually smoke burns your nose and gives you a headache. Sometimes though, it smells good. I don't know why. Especially on a man when it's mixed with cologne. When it's overpowering it's really gross. But mixed with cologne smells really good. And I know, smoking=bad. But it also does look cool sometimes. I can't help it. TV and movies desensitize you!! When you're watching something and you see a sexy guy and then he lights up a cigarette and you're just like "yes!!" It's hot sometimes, okay? Sue me!! But yeah, it is also gross. And yes, bad. And yes, causes cancer and disease. So yes yes, I get it.

"It's a genuine fact that surfers rule." It's stuck in my head!! No shit, it's a Beach Boys song. But I didn't listen to it so why am I singing it?!

I have an hour and a half left at work and I'm just counting down because then it's vacation time. Though I still have a bunch of shit to do. Packing is done. It's a bitch to do but it's done. And everything looks all nice and organized and it makes my OCD happy. Also I'm counting down because I want to go home and even though I like the job, work still sucks.

I had my second Salted Caramel Mocha in two days from Starbucks and it's holy shit good. I love anything salted caramel. That little bit of saltiness is so perfect. Mmm like the salted caramel truffle blizzard from Dairy Queen. So good!! Fuck me, now I wanted a blizzard. Ahh!! Oh and I also don't care about being fat right now because I'm going on vacation so what's the point? Not that I'm going to go nuts but if I want something like Starbucks, I'm going to get it. I'll leave the dieting shit for when I get back. Because I will be in a bikini next summer, I swear. 

I love being Italian. That is all. I was randomly thinking that this morning too. I mean think about it--we are so cool. We swear better than anyone. We have pasta and pizza and wine. Italy itself is beautiful. The language is beautiful. And when you watch a movie with an Italian character it's always hilarious and awesome. We're loud and talk with our hands. And oh my God, we have the best desserts. Hello cannolis, motherfucker!! We basically kick ass. 

"It's a genuine fact that surfers rule."

It won't go away!! So now I'm listening to it. *giggles* Dennis!! 

I don't know what else. I basically just wrote a bunch of random stuff. But that's the best. When you just write and write, it feels so good. It's therapeutic. You're just writing it all out, whatever it is. It's like a cleanse for your creative mind. I can't describe the feeling but it's just awesome. Even though I haven't had much time to work on my screenplays, this is good. It's good to keep my writing going and my creative mind sharp. And I really hope I can work on both of my screenplays in Florida. Finally get a good amount done. Honestly, I need to go to a remote cabin the woods for two weeks so I can just write. 

And funny sidenote: At the end of the song"Surfer's Rule", is the line: "Four seasons you better believe it." Just makes me laugh. Probably only me.

The song is still stuck in my head but at least it's more than one line now. 

Well I guess that ends this week's word vomit. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm sure I'll write a blog while in Florida.

Catch y'all on the flipside. I'm on vacation, bitches!! 

Addie