Stand By Me: It's Infinite Wisdom and What it Taught Me About Friendship

Stand By Me is an adventure-filled coming of age movie that is arguably one of the best things to come out of the eighties. What’s better than four boys with huge potty mouths who leave home in search of a dead body? Not to mention that it stars River Phoenix who had the kind of face people wrote songs about. And of course, it was written by Stephen King. Is there anything better? No, there is not and don’t you dare bring Star Wars or something else into this.

Besides the adventure and the countless coming of age lessons, Stand By Me has one perfect golden nugget of information that is destined to almost always come true. At the end of the movie, adult Gordie, now a big time writer, sits at his computer writing the story you just watched. He ends with the most poignant and prophetical statement ever:

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I did when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

Funnily enough, I refused to agree with it. I thought I was going to be one of those lucky few who stayed friends with the same people all her life and the birds would sing and everyone would live happily ever after. Since this isn’t Cinderella and since no friendship in the world is like what you see on television, that didn’t happen.

The person I called my best friend since I was twelve (ironically) isn’t my best friend anymore. This came straight from the horse’s mouth so to speak. It’s no secret that she and I have drifted apart over the years. I think I refused to believe it at first or maybe I was too comfortable in my current situation to do anything about it. She would always say how she felt we were drifting apart to which I would reply: “Of course we’re not! This is how friendships are when you get older.” Then recently the inevitable happened and she informed me that yes, she still saw as friends but just not “best friends” anymore. In short, she found other friends that suited her better than my other good friends and I did. And that’s totally fine! No one says that drifting apart is a bad thing. Sometimes it happens.

The point is this: when you’re twelve years old you see the world differently. It’s not so much of a stretch to say that the friends you make at that age see the world the same way. And so you have a lot in common. You laugh together, do dumb things together and build a lot of memories along the way. But then one day, it all changes and you realize that you both see the world and approach life differently. And again, that is totally okay. Its better that you move on from each other instead of holding on to something that simply isn’t there anymore.

In Stand By Me, Chris and Gordie remain friends. They grow up and enter the scary world of adulthood together. (Yes, after that they didn’t talk much but that isn’t the point). The two of them drifted away from Teddy and Vern until they became distant memories of the past. It really does suck when it’s spelled out as blatantly as that but it rings true to real life. In my own situation, my best friends and I are parting ways with the girl I once called my best friend. It does hurt and it feels like any other breakup but ultimately it’s for the best. The memories will last even if there aren’t any new ones being made. And I know that we’ll all be fine because this is how it was supposed to be. As long as you have the few people that truly matter you’ll never be dissatisfied.

So, does anyone still have the same friends that they did when they were twelve? Maybe. And that’s great for you. You should both win a best friends award and celebrate with a movie marathon and some pizza. But if you don’t? It’s nothing to stress over. Life happens and sometimes you just have to let it. My other three friends with whom I'm close were also friends I met when I was twelve/thirteen and our bond has only strengthened. It's a toss up. 

Thank you Stand By Me and Stephen King for showing me the way it would be even if I didn’t believe it for a long time.

I Turned 25 and the World Didn't Explode

A couple of weeks ago I turned twenty-five. 

*cue Beethoven’s 5th Symphony*

*cue the terrifying screaming*

*cue the music from Psycho*

*cue the music from Jaws*

Okay, I’m done. Despite cueing all of the crazy horror-movie sound effects, turning twenty-five was not the bad it’s said up to be. Who says it’s bad, you ask? Generally the people who are approaching the age. And, it’s a documented “crisis.” It’s called a quarter-life crisis, much like the ever-famous mid-life crisis, and that’s exactly what it is. A bona-fide, motherfucking crisis.

You basically approach the milestone with great trepidation and the feeling that you are about to go completely insane. Do you actually? Maybe. That part is up to you. Nine times out of ten it’s you doing it to yourself and I can attest to that. In the few weeks leading up to my birthday I went through this mental break where I was sure I was going bat-shit crazy. I’m used to having spikes of anxiety here and there—it’s been my way of life for what seems like forever—but this was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Yet it has since disappeared just as quickly as it materialized.  

The quarter life crisis is born from the inane theory that we have to have our entire lives together by the time we turn twenty-five. Sometimes it can be thirty; the whole crisis itself is said to affect people from 25-35. When you reach that age and realize that you don't have everything you've ever wanted or your life didn't turn out exactly how you planned, you tend to freak out. 

It’s hard to shake the notion that we need to have our lives together by a certain point. We think that if we don’t we’ve failed and that’s it. Now you’re branded a failure. The only thing that hinders you from moving on and achieving what you want is the dejected feeling that comes with the quarter life crisis. You are doing this to yourself and you are the only one that can break free from it. Of course, it sounds one thousand percent easier to do than doing it actually is but it’s the only solution.

You think to yourself: “I’m turning twenty-five and I have no job in the field I want, no boyfriend or fiancé or husband, I’m not financially stable,” and so on and so forth. The list of achievements you think you should have goes on and on and varies from person to person. The funny thing—there are people who have careers, significant others and are financially stable who go through the crisis too. It’s about not achieving what society thinks you should, what you think you should have achieved, and sometimes it’s a mix of both. Whatever the reason, the feelings of craziness and utter despair are the same and it’s something you need to move past.

There’s also this whole becoming aware of your own mortality thing which is a separate issue and it sucks and it’s something you shouldn’t worry about either. (Why do I know? Because it was on my long list of things to freak out over). 

Some people do have their lives together by twenty-five and that is great for them. They don't have to be bothered by this and can wait for the mid-life crisis like everyone else. But for the people who aren't where they want to be or where they planned to be--its okay. You are okay. There is no time limit in which you have to accomplish certain things. In this world, it takes time. Everything that is meant to happen will happen in its own time. As long as you have faith and believe that you'll never go wrong. 

I turned twenty-five a few weeks ago and I realized that I'm fine. Nothing has changed. I'm still the same person I was at twenty-four. I know that it's okay that I'm still looking for my career job and that love will find you when it's meant to. I know, truly, that everything will work out as long as I work hard to get there and stop setting time limits for myself. 

Besides, I have five years to accomplish what I want by thirty. 

Random Musings #2

I missed a post last week--le gasp!! 

Now that we're over the shock that no one actually felt, welcome to another post of word vomit! (AKA lazy  as fuck to come up with a topic so I'll just write whatever comes out). 

Newsies seems to still be kicking around in my brain. It's a mood in the back of my mind while The Beach Boys take the forefront. Surprisingly but also not, Jersey Boys is still chilling somewhere back there. I only say this because right now I'm listening to Newsies at work before I open the doors and trying not to dance. And I may or may not have delved back into the fan fiction world and found some interesting things to read. But that's enough about that. 

I'm going to Florida tomorrow and my general feelings towards this are: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

I, um, enjoy vacations. It's just nice to escape life for a while and chill in a place that's somewhere else. Even nicer when this place has warm weather, pools and/or beaches and an overall feeling of relaxation. You can say a nice "BYE!!!!" to all of your worries and stresses and just chill. I've said it before, I've never been so relaxed before as I was when I was floating in the pool in Florida. I'm hoping I can recapture that feeling again. It was so nice and I know that I need that right now. We're driving so there's also an added road trip which I've always wanted to do. Then I can say that I passed through and/or stayed in some random US states. Which is cool. It amps up my traveller's cred. It's gonna be fun and I'm definitely excited. 

And when I get back at the end of September, I'm planning to get my tattoo. Well, in early October but still. I have decided. I have it half-designed already. I just need to add the finishing touches. And it's hard because I can't quite get it how I want it. I wish I could draw then it might be easier. Oh well. I'll get it eventually. I'm nervous and excited about it. I'm sensing a theme with my tattoos. Words/songs of things I really love. Hey, it's going to look awesome so I'm happy!! Tattoos are life, props to all who have them!!

I've been thinking--RUN!!!!--I feel like I've slipped into this not caring state. Which is a Libra trait (or quite possibly a downfall). Being passive and maybe sometimes too passive. Which I am. I find that I just don't care. Meaning that I can't be bothered. I don't take many things as a big deal. Traffic? Whatever, just drive, we'll get there eventually. People don't like something about me? Awesome. Bye!! For a psychotically paranoid person I'm not bothered by much. (And so my contradicting personality rears its ugly head). Not to say that there aren't things I don't care about. I can be crazy-passionate about things. It's just the little things; the everyday bullshit. I just don't give a shit. Admittedly, this could be bad hence why it's the downfall of being a Libra. But I just--I mean--I don't care. 

Apparently I'm good at coming up with barf-worthy romantic lines. I came up with this the other day: "The sun rises and sets on your smile but it is no comparison to the light of your eyes." Did y'all barf? You probably did. I'll wait. Seriously though--so sappy!! And I love romantic movies. I live and die for them. Kind of. Whatever, the point is, I love them. But those lines can be so cringe-worthy!! But also cute, you know? It's nice to hear. If a man ever said something like that I'd probably cringe but also be all "awwwwww!!" Such is life. Also, where's my man? 

Why the hell is it winter? Two days ago it was all sunny and warm and I wore a tank top. Then yesterday and today it was like nope, time for winter!! But tomorrow and the rest of the week will be hot again. Only in Canada will you find bipolar weather. 

It's my birthday soon!! (Not actually, it's like a month away, but this is my thought process). A fucking quarter century old. When did this happen?! I was seventeen last year. I was born last week. It's 1990!! I'm fine. I actually don't give a shit about getting older. Sure, on some level it has a level of suckiness to it but it's not bad. The way I see it, you are still you no matter what. Age doesn't change that. It's a number. Yeah, I admit, you feel it creeping up on you and you can't believe you're getting older but it shouldn't have to be a bad thing. It only matters what you do with life. And if you're happy. But what I originally was saying was that my birthday is soon and I don't know what to do yet to celebrate. Family would just be at home on the actual day. But with friends, I'm not sure. Maybe a semi-fancy restaurant. Or like, a trip to California and/or New York? Haha. Friends? What do you think? Yes....?

Sometimes cigarette smoke smells good. (I know I'm bouncing around from topic to topic but this is word vomit after all). This dude just walked into the walk-in where I work and he smelled of smoke and it wasn't bad. Usually smoke burns your nose and gives you a headache. Sometimes though, it smells good. I don't know why. Especially on a man when it's mixed with cologne. When it's overpowering it's really gross. But mixed with cologne smells really good. And I know, smoking=bad. But it also does look cool sometimes. I can't help it. TV and movies desensitize you!! When you're watching something and you see a sexy guy and then he lights up a cigarette and you're just like "yes!!" It's hot sometimes, okay? Sue me!! But yeah, it is also gross. And yes, bad. And yes, causes cancer and disease. So yes yes, I get it.

"It's a genuine fact that surfers rule." It's stuck in my head!! No shit, it's a Beach Boys song. But I didn't listen to it so why am I singing it?!

I have an hour and a half left at work and I'm just counting down because then it's vacation time. Though I still have a bunch of shit to do. Packing is done. It's a bitch to do but it's done. And everything looks all nice and organized and it makes my OCD happy. Also I'm counting down because I want to go home and even though I like the job, work still sucks.

I had my second Salted Caramel Mocha in two days from Starbucks and it's holy shit good. I love anything salted caramel. That little bit of saltiness is so perfect. Mmm like the salted caramel truffle blizzard from Dairy Queen. So good!! Fuck me, now I wanted a blizzard. Ahh!! Oh and I also don't care about being fat right now because I'm going on vacation so what's the point? Not that I'm going to go nuts but if I want something like Starbucks, I'm going to get it. I'll leave the dieting shit for when I get back. Because I will be in a bikini next summer, I swear. 

I love being Italian. That is all. I was randomly thinking that this morning too. I mean think about it--we are so cool. We swear better than anyone. We have pasta and pizza and wine. Italy itself is beautiful. The language is beautiful. And when you watch a movie with an Italian character it's always hilarious and awesome. We're loud and talk with our hands. And oh my God, we have the best desserts. Hello cannolis, motherfucker!! We basically kick ass. 

"It's a genuine fact that surfers rule."

It won't go away!! So now I'm listening to it. *giggles* Dennis!! 

I don't know what else. I basically just wrote a bunch of random stuff. But that's the best. When you just write and write, it feels so good. It's therapeutic. You're just writing it all out, whatever it is. It's like a cleanse for your creative mind. I can't describe the feeling but it's just awesome. Even though I haven't had much time to work on my screenplays, this is good. It's good to keep my writing going and my creative mind sharp. And I really hope I can work on both of my screenplays in Florida. Finally get a good amount done. Honestly, I need to go to a remote cabin the woods for two weeks so I can just write. 

And funny sidenote: At the end of the song"Surfer's Rule", is the line: "Four seasons you better believe it." Just makes me laugh. Probably only me.

The song is still stuck in my head but at least it's more than one line now. 

Well I guess that ends this week's word vomit. Hope you enjoyed it. I'm sure I'll write a blog while in Florida.

Catch y'all on the flipside. I'm on vacation, bitches!! 

Addie