Random Musings

I was a bit lazy and didn't know what to write about this week so I figured I'd let y'all know my thoughts in the easiest way possible: word vomit. 

I figure I just blurt out whatever comes to mind and there you have it; instant blog post-ness. (Seriously, it's like that free writing exercise where I just write about whatever comes to mind and jump from topic to topic. Though this will obviously have some semblance of structure because hello OCD). 

The way I speak is because of Buffy, I swear. It is actually called Buffyspeak. And it's not only me. So hey. 

Honestly, with all the shit that I grew up with, it's a wonder I don't have a million different accents and ways of speaking. I stand by my theory that you are influenced by what you watch, read and listen to. Even more so when you're a kid. The Buffy thing is the one that stuck with me the most. Though if I start busting out into Newsies-speak, you should probably move away. And there's also the British accent. And if I start being extra Italian just do what my sister does and tell me I'm not a gangster. Because I'm actually not. But I do love them. Obviously not the things they did but they were kind of admirable in an anti-hero, antagonist kind of way. I need to stop watching/reading mob things. 

You know, I said to my sister that after I was done with the mob stuff, I'd have to get into something lighter. My words were: "I have to read happy things like 'Puppy Gets A New Ball.'" And I think I sort of did. The Beach Boys were sort of sprung on me. And they're happy. Umm, happy-ish. Well, the songs were. Some of them. 

Let's talk about The Beach Boys for a quick second. Okay so fine, I admit it, I'm all up with Beach Boys now. Which will always be weird to me. I mean, I've always known them and known their most popular surfing and car songs. I know that there was Brian and Mike. That they were all mostly related. That the drummer Dennis died because he drowned. I knew that they were on Full House. Surfin' USA was/is on my exercise/dance playlist. Which we will not speak about. And then it happened, like it always does. And I totally called it. 

So, the movie Love & Mercy came out in the summer. I saw the trailer on TV and I said it looked good and that we needed to see it. So we did (my sister and I). Before going to see it, I said to myself: "You're going to be all Beach Boys because of this." To which I answered back: "No, you're crazy, this is not like Jersey Boys." The movie was great and I learned a lot of things I didn't know about The Beach Boys and especially Brian. It did make me want to listen to some of their music, which we did, but there was no craziness there. Right? Wrong. After that, my sister was all like "Oh, there's this movie that they made in the '90s about them, I wonder if I can find it." She found it and we watched it and that's when it happened. You see their story and it piques your interest. Long story short: It led to buying and reading two books, the downloading and listening to their entire discography (that's like 27 albums and 375 songs), buying of their vinyl albums (still need more), buying tickets to their upcoming show, watching documentaries, watching another movie about them and developing a love of Dennis Wilson (because why wouldn't I go for the bad boy who's also the dead one?!) Sidenote: Two of the original Beach Boys are dead now (sadness). And also--Dennis Wilson's solo stuff is beyond amazing. Also again, buy me Beach Boys things. Just kidding. Half. 

Believe it or not, I'm actually not crazy obsessed. I know that it sounds like it what with the buying and listening and whatnot. But that's just how I roll. My sister too. When you like something, you do it right. But seriously, there's no psycho obsession. And it feels nice. Just to be totally chill when liking something. It's also because I find it weird that it's me liking The Beach Boys on a deeper level. But there's no going back. Now I know all this shit about them and their songs and stuff. And as much as their music was happy, there was so much drama between them plus the alcoholism and drug use and questionable subject matter of songs. Like the song with real sex noises in the background. Not even kidding. Dennis and some chick recorded it and it's on a song. It both creeps me out and makes me laugh. Because who does that? It's hilarious. It so may or may not have amped up the desire I already had to see California. Anyways--I guess I can add The Beach Boys to my list now. Love it! 

And Newsies. Love it too. I've been listening to the movie soundtrack on and off for a bit. I honestly love it. It's a part of me. I mean, it's been in my life since I was two. And I saw the Broadway play twice this summer which was absolutely amazing. I think it's last day is either today or tomorrow and it makes me sad. It was so perfect seeing it on stage. I'm totally getting the tattoo I want. It's a quote from a Newsies song. No, it's not Seize The Day. I was toying with the idea but now I've decided. I'm going to do it!! 

I did my hair. I cut it a bit (eeeeeee). I have the mentality of a greaser when it comes to my hair. Don't touch my hair. I love my long hair. If you try to, I will cut you. It's not too too short. A few inches shorter. It was necessary to make it healthier. And I did highlights which makes it look lighter. I felt the need to have lighter hair for once.

Holy shit, I just realized how much I fucking swear. (I'm lamely laughing at my attempt at humor). Seriously though, you don't realize how much you swear until you're in a church. Last night was my parent's retirement party and it was in the church basement. Now, I'm not a total heathen. I try not to swear in the church. But damn is it even hard! My cousin Veronica and I even came up with alternative swear words to use while in church. It's so fucking hard, man. So fucking hard. Fuck. (This just popped into my head but--guys who swear? So hot. So fucking hot! Ask my sister, when we watch something I'm always like "Oh my God, _____ just said fuck, ahh so hot!!" That was random but then again that is the point).

I'm dying for these two weeks to pass quickly because then I get to go to Florida!! I have never been as relaxed as I was when I was floating in the pool in Florida. I can't wait to feel that feeling again. It's like a two-week break from the stress of everything in life. I get to lie on a chair by the pool and listen to music and chill and worry about nothing. I'm even looking to get some writing done. That's not really work-work. It's fun work. And then we get to go to Disney and the other parks and basically just have fun. I cannot wait!! 

Oh and Paul McCartney is coming in October and I didn't buy tickets because I've had to spend so much money and now I'm really sad because it's Paul. Even though I saw him once. As a Beatles Freak, I have to see any members of the Beatles every time they come. It's law. Sigh. I might be sad the day before and go crazy and try to buy scalpers tickets. Probably not. But I'll cry. Also probably not. 

Ahhh birthday and Halloween in October. I need to figure out what I'm doing and what I'm dressing up as, respectively. I'm feeling '60s/'70s. My sister told me to get a surfboard and pretend to be a Beach Boy. I just gave her a look in response. 

I want a frappucino but I'm fat so no. I also want work to be over so I can do what I need to do at home and relax. (Yes I usually write my blog on my iPod while at work. I usually do a lot of things while I'm at work). I'm also fucking hungry and I feel like I want some wine at lunch today. I also need more sleep. Please vacation get here already!! 

Ooh and I made cannoli for my parent's party yesterday and I'm proud of myself. I totally kicked ass, if I do say so myself. It's a pretty complicated Italian dessert and a bitch to make but I did it. And they taste exactly like they're supposed to and I'm so happy they came out. I can totally bake Italian now. Hire me out, people, let's go!!

I'm looking forward to Labor Day when I will have my annual end of summer movie marathon. It used to be my back to school movie marathon. I started it before I went into grade nine and I've done it every year since. I wake up super early and watch movies all day until eleven at night with short breaks in between. The last movie of the marathon is usually the one that reflects the summer or my interests right then. This year it's going to be one of the Beach Boys movies. Yeah yeah I know, leave me alone. Either way, I'm looking forward to it. It's fun. 

That was going to be it but I have a little sidenote. As always. I fucking just dropped my phone in the toilet. No, not because it was in my pocket.

It was no where near the toilet. It was on the counter. I was opening a package and my hand jerked and it hit my phone and it flew. It's currently in rice and I'm hoping it will live. Because it has thousands of pictures and notes and I'll flip the fuck out. Please live, baby iPhone, please. Okay I'm fine.

Anyways, that's it. I hope you enjoyed my word vomit. Even if you didn't, I don't care, you read it either way.

Later!!

A Walking, Talking Contradiction

So there's that line that I just learned was from Seinfeld that goes "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma" and it pretty much describes me. Albeit with one little change. Throw contradicting as hell and you've got me. I'm rid-mys-enig-tradicting. Okay so I'm reaching a bit with the made up word but it's true.

I've dubbed myself a walking contradiction. A truer statement does not exist. I even wrote a little poem about it once but no one needs to read that right now. (Although you know, I just re-read it and it's not that bad). Looking back on the past and evaluating how I live my life now, I can see that I am always contradicting in almost every aspect. I'm forever cursed with seeing both sides of every argument.

And it's goddamn annoying!!

I chalk it up (mostly) to being under the Libra zodiac sign. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not 100% hippie, follows everything zodiac and phases of the moon but I find horoscopes interesting. I have the app, I check it every day. I think it'd be cool to do my star chart or whatever the hell it's called. And I know I'm 100% pure Libra. Reading the traits instilled in a Libra is like reading my biography, it's scary.

So, Libras are the scales. We like peace and harmony and balance. (AKA my life). And I think that in keeping that balance, a Libra weighs everything in every situation to keep that perfect harmony. That means weighing both sides of any argument or decision or whatever else has two sides.

Now enters the contradiction. I feel like I have opposing views, feelings, values, even, in pretty much every aspect of life. I can't make a goddamn decision without the other side of the scale pulling at me. And even if I'm mad, the voice pokes through the anger to tell me to calm down and to remind me of the other side of the situation. Like I said, it's annoying. But it does help me be the superb voice of reason which my very best friends can tell you. Although I'm sure they sometimes find my insatiable need for peace and harmony a bit exasperating. But it's something that cannot be helped. I can't stop myself from interjecting my opinion where I see fit.

Other than the whole advice-giving, voice of reason, weighing both sides thing, it boils down to me being forever divided within myself. Some examples to put it into perspective:

-I'm equal parts introverted and extroverted. Ambivert it's called.
-I'm a huge dreamer but also a realist.
-I'm seen as a quiet person but I can be loud and crazy and obnoxious.
-Sometimes I'm very "go-go-go!" while others I'm lazy and don't want to do anything.
-I love being with people and hanging out but I also love alone time.
-I'm fiercely independent yet I sometimes need to rely on people.
-I'm insecure as hell but I can come off as confident at times.
-I give good advice but I'm a hypocrite when it comes to taking it.
-I can easily fall into dark, pessimistic moods but I'm optimistic with others.
-I worry all the time but I calm others down when they do the same.
-I'm honest and good yet I can (and do) lie quite easily.
-I can be messy but I'm OCD-organized to a T.
-I hate needles but I have tattoos.
-I'm paranoid and laid-back.
-I'm afraid of many things but I can be fearless and daredevil-ish.
-I can be tom-boy tough and rough but also girlie and a hopeless romantic.
-I'm not always happy with my appearance but I love and accept myself.
-Angst-ridden yet happy; skeptical but trusting.
-I don't have many lady-like qualities but politeness is key with me.
-Sarcastic and snarky but sweet and kind.
-Regal and mature but at certain times, I'm the class clown.
-Sometimes crippled emotionally and bottled up yet easily read.
-Movie buff and a book nerd.
-So obviously born in the present but I live mostly in the past.

There's nothing left to say but of course, there's so much more.

My mind is like a perpetual battle of ping-pong; thoughts smacked back and forth, relentlessly, like a little white ball, ping ping ping ping. But hey, there's always an upside. I can call myself creative at least. My mind is always running so it's bound to spit out something worthwhile every blue moon. And at least I get to hone my advice-giving skills with my pressing need for balance and (over)use of my voice of reason powers.

Eh whatever. I'm over it. Well, half-over. I mean, I see both sides of accepting it and also not accepting it. I mean---oops. Sometimes you just can't turn it off. Never. You can never turn it off.

Rid-mys-enig-tradicting. Try saying that ten times fast. Hell, trying saying it once because I have no idea how.