I want to start off with
saying that I whole-heartedly respect the people who are body positive and
happy with themselves. Everyone should be. After all, they say that you can’t
be happy with anyone else until you are happy with yourself. I’ve seen a
multitude of articles written by people who are bigger and have learned to love
themselves for who they are and what they look like. Again, I respect this. It
fills me with happiness when I read those articles. Everyone has the right to
be happy in their own body and they should be taught to be from a young age.
But when it comes to
myself, I feel different. I’m on the bigger side and I’m not happy about it. I
never have been. Yes, it’s my fault. I can’t exactly say why I started eating a
lot as a teenager. Maybe it was stress eating or boredom or because I’m Italian
and love food or quite possibly because it’s an addiction. I let it get out of
control and now I’m here. And I’m not happy about it. I want to be thinner and
I don’t think it’s a crime.
Unfortunately, the media
constantly tries to shove the societal concept of beauty down our throats at
every turn. The magazine covers and TV shows and movies with beautiful, thin
actresses are enough to make you crazy. It’s enough to damage and brainwash
young minds into thinking they have to look like that. I’m against that, it’s
not right and I hate that there are all of these young girls who learn from an
early age to be dissatisfied with themselves. Beauty cannot be manufactured. It
comes in all shapes, sizes, colours, etc.
But I’m talking about
myself.
I believe in body
positivity and in being happy with yourself. And that is what I’m trying to
achieve. I’m not trying to lose weight because I think I have to or because
society says I have to look a certain way. And no, not because I think it’s
what men want. Because fuck that. Although I will say that the thought rears
its ugly head when I’m feeling particularly insecure. We’ve been taught to
believe that that’s all men want. Most of them do which makes matters more
complicated. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. I’ve often
said that I wouldn’t want to be naked in front of anyone looking the way I do
now. It’s blunt, yes, but it’s the truth.
That’s not to say I’m not
happy with myself as a person. I have confidence and I’m strong in my beliefs.
I’m proud of the way I am and how I handle myself. And I have awesome taste in
music, obviously.
I’m unhappy with my
physical self.
I’d like to lose a good
amount of weight. I’d like to be thinner and have some muscles. I have an image
in my mind of what I want to look like and I think I deserve to try and get
there. I’d say that I want to look good in a bikini. Not that there’s anything
stopping me from wearing a bikini. A lot of women who are bigger wear bikinis
and they totally rock them. I have nothing but total respect and admiration for
them. I still wouldn’t be comfortable in one.
I’m not implying that
losing weight will magically make everything better. That’s not what this is
about. I’d like to feel good in my body. I’d like to get to the point where I
can be body positive. I want to reduce my back and foot pain. No matter what, I’ll
still find flaws within myself and I’ll have to learn to accept them.
Being body positive is a
different thing for each individual person. I salute all of the women (and men)
who are completely happy with themselves. Kudos to all of you for kicking ass. I
have confidence that I will get there one day because it’s what I want. The end
result is to be happy. Do whatever you need to do to get there for yourself.
And remember, you rock.
